Why, when you have one thing figured out, or you think you do, and then something, some little nugget of something that has been implanted in your brain acts up and causes you to have crazy thoughts and to have emotions that you just can't control? I have a great man. He loves me. He takes care of me. Am I forcing it? Am I forcing myself to feel that this is right? I am about to move to Washington DC to be with him and to start a new life. Am I a fool? I love him I do. I just think that I need to get some things off of my chest and then we can go from there.
*He had said previously to me "you don't mind if I still flirt right?"
I mean, I should be strong enough to know who I am and that he loves me. I know this. Flirt? I mean, I know people do it. I think I was just more stupified by him asking. I guess that's better then me finding out about it. He means online. He has friends that he has had "things" with online and in person. He wants to continue those friendships and some of them are flirty. I guess, most people do the flirting and their significant other doesn't find out. This time he actually comes out and tells me that he wants to flirt. Is that any better then doing it behind my back? I honestly, just don't know. I do believe that I need to talk to him about this and just get it out on the table.
*He has been super busy before. Especially around the election. He actually was very busy for months prior to the election. I hardly talked to him and basically he knew that I was available and he could contact me when he wanted. It's just that he never did. That severely hurt me. Hurt me to the core. He could have, while on the toilet or walking somewhere or just 30 seconds free he could have texted. He just didn't. So today, I haven't heard from him and I just wanted to make sure that he was shot or stabbed somewhere. He texted me back that he was super busy. Which, again, is totally fine. Just a quick hello would have been fine. Yet nothing. Then I get an e-mail from him telling me that he loves me and can't wait to see me and how he was talking me up to Celeste b/c she was having relationship questions. Ummm.... he can talk to her through out the day, but he can't send me a text? I just think that's bunk.
*I don't like how I feel that I am always the one doing the changes for him. Like my temper. I have an awful one. Awful. It's awful. I know that I need just a couple of minutes to be very angry and then I can be very rational and I can talk about why I'm angry and what lead me to that and then we can work on that. However, Michael can not deal with that. He has to work things out right then and there. Why is it that I have to change? I mean, I can totally try and work with him to make things better, but I mean, why is it that I have to change?
I just really need to talk to him about this. It just never seems to be a good time. Like I'd liek to talk to him about it tonight. I need to ask him and talk to him about things before I move in with him. I don't want to lead him on. I don't want to sacrifice myself either.
Well see where this goes. Wish me luck!
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1 comment:
I don't want to be a bummer, but your post is full of relationship red flags.
I wouldn't move anywhere until you had more solidarity, until he is your #1 flirt and conversational girl, and absolutely understand that 'flirting' isn't just a euphemism for "cheating when a better offer comes around."
This guy sounds like trouble.
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