Things changing

Well I am now living in Washington DC with my boyfriend, Pablo. Let's see, him and I are actually really different people. I am to the right of moderate and he is pretty liberal. His job involves government work, but hey, it's DC. A lot of people work for or with or about the Government so he is so into it. So he knows a lot. We recently had a discussion about Obama's health care reform. I am against it. He is for it. It basically got into a heated argument and he said to me that if we weren't already dating, that we would have just broken up.

It's weird. In past relationships I have loved someone completely. I miss when they are gone and I look forward to being with them. I look forward to doing things with them. With Pablo in the beginning, I would see him like twice a month for two weekends. So we would just be into each other. We would cuddle for an entire day. We wouldn't get out of bed but to use the restroom or get something to eat. Now that we live together, it's his life and it's my life and that takes over 85% of "our" lives.

Pablo is really trying to push me to be this independent person who doesn't NEED anyone but myself. This is a contradiction for me. I am a very independent person and i will do everything on my own if I can. That means, not asking for help and doing it myself, but I've always been a "huggy" kinda gal and I need to feel important and loved. I am lacking in that with Pablo.

I know that he loves me. I know I am important to him. If I bring this up, he feels that he doesn't want to be "the thing" in my life. Isn't that what a partner is supposed to be? I guess we all have a definition of what a partner means. I guess we all have a definition of what we want in life. I want to have a career. Not a job. I want to have family and friends that love me and make me laugh. I want to live in a nice place and I want to have a partner.

to me a partner is someone that you can walk beside and do fun things with. Someone that I can have an adventure with. Someone that lifts me up when I am down. Someone that loves me for who I am and appreciates it. Wow. I guess things do change over time. I don't want someone to support me financially (although since I don't have a job, Pablo is) but just be there for me. I want to feel wanted. I want to feel loved and right now, I only get that about 50% of the time.

I need to find that"wanted" feeling from Pablo or I'm afraid I'm not going to make it in this relationship. I'll figure out that I can be independent and that I don't need someone that doesn't give me enough of what I need.