Dream

Ok.. so normally I don't remember dreams or I just remember feelings associated with a dream. But I remember this one b/c my alarm woke me up to it, I hit snooze and went back to the dream. Kind of cool.

It's short... but I think the representation of the dream is seriously how I feel.

I was at the beach with a bunch of people. My sister was there and Al Gore was there and other people were there. Not sure who else, I just know that I knew a lot of the people. Basically, Al Gore went with a male friend (had a feeling I knew who this person was, but that I did not know him very well). Al ignored me like crazy. Wouldn't talk to me. Wouldn't sit by me. Would move if I came close to him. He would give me dirty looks. He was talking about me to the guy that he was with.

So that's short and sweet right? Finally. I think that the dream just illustrates how uncomfortable I am around Al. That I think, at a moments notice, he's just going to drop me. That he'll find someone cooler to hang out with and I'll be discarded by the wayside. I know where those feelings come from. He did it to me twice. Once with this 19 year old chick that he was dating and once with this chick from where he is from originally. He just, like, became all distant and there was this "shift." I could tell the first time that there was a shift, but I couldn't figure out what it was. Now I know what it is.

Since I never had to experience that with the ex, these feelings of someone finding someone better are so new to me that I don't know what to do with them. And what's worse, is that Al is just a FWB. We are not dating or anything. BUT.. BUT... when we were out with a friend this past weekend, he was pretty protective of me.

I do want to test it out though. I want to have him around when I go out to a bar and I'll just twitter around and talk to random people just to see how he reacts to it. He has no ties to me. I have no ties to him. We are free to do what we please. Although, there is this random bond of trust that we have that the other is to be honest and upfront with the other. If that makes sense.

Oh well.. just rambling at this point.

Hot Boy

Ok, so about 4 weeks ago I went out downtown with my sister and some of her work friends. We ran into this guy that I work with and his friend who I will name L_dub. L_dub was smoking hot. I mean beautiful brown skin, not real dark, not real light. He was tall and had a rock hard, smoking body. We went back to my work friend's apt and smoked and L_dub called me back in the hallway. I was all kinds of taken back b/c I didn't know he was feeling me. He gave me his number so I was stocked.

Oh, so I was wearing this really pretty maxi dress. (which I personally hate the name for it. I mean who comes up with these names?) Well I can't wear a bra with it and I don't have a strapless. Why don't I have a strapless bra? Well b/c I think they all suck. They all slip/fall down and then my tits are all not supported and that's not good. So... I duct taped my boobs. Yes I put something over my nipples so it wouldn't hurt. This wasn't the first time I've done that. Anyway, so back in the hallway, L_dub tried to hug me and I was all super paranoid that he was going to feel the duct tape so I had to position myself in the hug so he couldn't. Totally random.

Anyway, so we were texting and stuff and he went to Hawaii for at least a week if not longer. We were going to meet up last weekend, but it never happened. I went back to my friend JP's house after work and met up with some other girls and we smoked. So when L_dub texted me, I really was not in the right state of mind to text back. This is all new to me. I've never dated anyone and texting is a game/art in itself. Plus I mean, i was hiiigggh so it was just a struggle to text. I couldn't drive so we didn't meet up.

Short story long, he blew me off. I was going to go to a football game Saturday to see him and he never texted me. Oh well. No big deal. I'm thinking that this dude is way too hot for me anyway. I mean, he is smokin' hot. No lie. Totally cut body. Man the bad things I would have done to him. Meh, his loss.

So this morning when my alarm goes off, I was in the middle of a dream. My dream.... I was going out on a date with L_dub and I was getting ready at the house I lived at. Apparently, it was this like run down house with junk everywhere and it wasn't my house. I was staying there. Like the bathroom didn't even really have a door and there was no mirror. So L_dub comes to the door and I'm not ready. I have pants on but no shirt so I walk out to open the door with my hands covering my tits. I walk around like this often actually in my house. So, I finish getting ready. We are in the house and pass by this strawberry cake and he tells me that he bought the same one and it's good. He feeds me a bite. It was so yummy. Then we just start kissing. I have him pined against a wall and we are just making out. My god his lips are just awesome to kiss. So soft and well kissable. Then my alarm goes off. I was pretty pissed that it was a dream.

I mean seriously, the things that I would do to him..... I can't think more than that b/c I'm at work and I don't want to have to excuse myself to go to the bathroom.

I'll post later about why I can't have sex with him and why I've never been on a date nor played the text message game.