Moving

I have never wanted to live in this area my entire life. Yet, here I am. 30 and living at home. It's fucking pathetic. I want to move so badly, but I can't do it on my own. I am just not strong enough. Last night, Al Gore was in DC and was there, experiencing the excitement and the joy and the just shear togetherness of everyone. How freaking envious and Jealous was I of that amazing time. For the Record, Obama was just elected as our 44th president. It is amazing and exciting, but I am not nearly as excited as Al. He has believed in this man and believe in what he has to offer and what he was saying. I wish I could have felt that believe in someone. Maybe it's b/c I don't even believe in myself? Wow.. could I have just had a Dr. Phil breakthrough there? Meh.. moving.. right.. let's get back to moving.

There are always amazing things to do in DC. Great shows, concerts and museums. Amazing places to eat and it's just a city that is alive. I live here, in this place that is sucking the life out of me. Sucking... Sucking... Sucking the life out of me. I go to work 4 days out of the week and work at job that doesn't offer me anything. It it just a paycheck. I am not helping anyone. I am not bettering myself in any way. I just sit here, in this dreary desk in this cube farm and process claims. I do adjustments. It's boring. I get paid like $15/hr. I have to drive 35 mins to get here one way.

I was just talking to someone that I work with and he feels the exact same way. He wants to get up out of here and move to NYC actually. I don't think that NYC has ever been a goal of mine to live at. My fucking god. What is wrong with me? Why can't I just get some shit together and move? I will need to get a 2nd job and work that for a while to save up some money,b ut there are so many people in far worse situations then I am.

Could I live with Kendrick? I have no idea. We are just friends. he is a good looking man, but there isn't really that "spark" so to say so at least I wouldn't have to be worried about sexual tension. But isn't there always some kind of sexual tension in male/female roommates? I mean, it may be underlying. Like you can't walk downstairs to get a drink in a towel b/c you don't want to offend the other?

The music that I am listening to is a great inspiration to me right now. B/c I can not stop crying for the love of god. I am sitting here at work crying like a teenager.

Moving.. right.. back to moving. I would never move to DC unless Al said it was ok b/c I don't want to be too pushy. I know people there though, but not a lot. I feel that I would make friends quickly though. I am a nice person and very social. Maybe that's what I should do. I should get a 2nd job and just sock that money away. Then I can move down say end of summer or this time next year. It would suck working 2 jobs, but fuck, what do I care? I dont' really have a life now as it is. Well I do have a life, but i'm just in this piss pour awful depressed mood lately that I have no life.

Wow.. this is long. Whew... so happy I was able to vent though. :-D

I would classify this as a rant.. hmmm.. maybe a rambling.