Ashley Madison

So I read about AshleyMadison.com on another blog. It's basically a site for married people to hook up on a discreet website. I thought, "this sounds fun b/c I don't want anything but sex and if it's a married man then he'll only want the same." So i set up a profile and uploaded a picture of me in a bikini which was of course faceless. I put on my profile the things that I am looking for and what I do and don't like. The next day I received over 100 responses from people. I was shocked.

Why was I shocked? I didn't think anyone would really respond except my normal crackheads and Mexicans. It turns out that there are so many married men who are just not satisfied with their wives at home... more directly, with the sex that they are having or in some cases, not having, with their wives. I know how that feels. I had sex with my ex one time in just about 6 years. I know it sounds surprising, but it's the truth.

I feel that I could offer some of these men the sense of feeling wanted and I could provide them with direction (for lack of a better word). They all want a woman that knows what they want and will direct a man. I guess this is the problem when you get married. DON'T GET MARRIED. Problem solved.

I don't think that I'll ever really contact any of these men from AshleyMadison, but I always could. I just have always had a soft spot for men that I think I can help in some way shape or form. Also, I do have feelings for my fwb Al. I know I shouldn't but you can't help it or at least I can't help it.

I have a great, intense connection with Al that it's so hard not to fall for him. He is just genuinely nice and a sweetheart and you know what? Fuck his ex for not seeing it in him and not being able to appreciate it. He is kind and so smart and I love his intelligence. I find that so sexy.

I am not doing anything tonight, I don't think. So boring night. Tomorrow though, I am going to be hanging with my friend, The mutant Asian or the mutant, my sister and her best friend. We are going kayaking and then dinner. Yeah!

-am

Feelings..... nothing more then feelings

Ok.. so I exp. feelings with FWB that I have never felt.
Jealousy. I was never jealous with my ex. It was just never an issue with me. Maybe it's b/c I trusted him 100% and knew he would never hurt me or do anything to break that trust.

Ok.. so Sunday, I met Al and B Boy for dinner on Sunday right? I left at 11:30pm and they kept walking around the city. Just walking around. Not doing anything, but walking. B Boy is gay. I think he is a great guy so don't get it twisted. I don't hate him at all for it or hold anything against him. I just know that they walked for hours. Is this normal? Does a straight man do this with a gay man? What if people have thought that straight man was gay? I don't think that he is. he has just told me that other's have thought it.

I am just so rattled by Al Gore and I don't know how to take it. I want to just let it roll.... let it ride, but I just can't. I need a freaking hobby to pass my time

Oh, so I went on AshleyMadison.com and put an account up and put a picture up of me in a bikini.. no face of course. You would not believe the hits I got.. the messages... the winks. I feel bad for these men. They are in marriages where they just don't get enough sex. Boy how I can sympathize.

I have all this love to give and no one to give it to. Am I settling with Al? God I don't know. I HATE how I feel that I give and he takes and that's it. I really think that I need to write this down in an e-mail and send it to him. The only problem is that I feel I could risk losing him by writing my feelings. However, if I don't get this out, I feel that I am fucking myself over.

Uggg.. Oh.. Al Gore and B Boy are out for dinner now. I knew B boy was hungry so I said something to Al that they should grab food together. See, I give... i give.

Please, I just want someone to appreciate it and I want someone to give something in return.

-AM