Wednesday, August 19, 2009
Rant
Remember when you called me another woman's name? Yeah, I said I forgave you, but I don't know if I can. It hurt me and I still remember it and I remember the name. You called me Mandy. That's my sister's name. I am not 100% sure it was that name, but regardless it ended in a "y" sound. I don't think i can forget.
TMI Tuesday #200!!!
http://tmituesday.blogspot.com/
1. What is the longest you have been in a monogamous sexual relationship? [For the purpose of this question monogamous is defined as no sexual partners that your significant other does (did) not know about.]
12 years. I was with my HS sweetheart and then we got married. And then it didn't last.
2. If your current relationship would fail, do you have a back-up for physical or emotional comfort?
I do and I don't. I have friends and family that I know I could count on. No one really thinks that the relationship that you are in is going to fail so I think it's bad Karma to think badly about the relationship.
However, with that said, you should always have a plan B in the back of your mind. So I guess that contridicts what I said above.
3. Can you be "just friends" with someone when there is an unrequited sexual attraction?
I think that I could "just be friends" with someone that had a thing for me. Could I be "just friends" with someone that I have a thing for? No. I can't. I know that I am an emotional woman and I get wrapped up into things way too easily.
4. In a assumed monogamous sexual relationship have you ever cheated, been cheated upon or been a knowing third party to the infidelity? [For the purpose of this question monogamous is defined as no sexual partners that a significant other does (did) not know about.]
I basically started the relationship with my current boyfriend while still living with my ex. I don't think that I cheated, but the ex may think differently. I never cheated on the ex the entire time in college, through when he enlisted and even when I was going out and he wasn't. The ex used to travel a lot and I honestly, with my entire being, don't think he ever cheated on em.
As for the knowing party to infidelity? yes! It was a HUGE mess. I had two sets of friends. Couple A was in their 40's and were together for 7 years. They lived next to us. Us were my ex and I and another couple. Couple B. Well woman from couple A and man from Couple B were cheating. It all came out at my house on New Year's Eve. It was awful. I should have kicked the Bitch out of my house from Couple A. She had it coming.
5. Historically, what has caused the most arguments in your relationships?
Bonus (as in optional):What do you want from a partner in a long term relationship?
My current boyfriend and I are totally opposites. I mean that. He likes coke and I like pepsi. I like onions and he only likes them raw. He likes sushi and I don't. It could go on and on and on. However, politics is the main source of our arguments. We have come up with the Brushemi clause though. If we are fighting and know it's not going to end well, then we bust out "Brushemi" and then we walk away.
1. What is the longest you have been in a monogamous sexual relationship? [For the purpose of this question monogamous is defined as no sexual partners that your significant other does (did) not know about.]
12 years. I was with my HS sweetheart and then we got married. And then it didn't last.
2. If your current relationship would fail, do you have a back-up for physical or emotional comfort?
I do and I don't. I have friends and family that I know I could count on. No one really thinks that the relationship that you are in is going to fail so I think it's bad Karma to think badly about the relationship.
However, with that said, you should always have a plan B in the back of your mind. So I guess that contridicts what I said above.
3. Can you be "just friends" with someone when there is an unrequited sexual attraction?
I think that I could "just be friends" with someone that had a thing for me. Could I be "just friends" with someone that I have a thing for? No. I can't. I know that I am an emotional woman and I get wrapped up into things way too easily.
4. In a assumed monogamous sexual relationship have you ever cheated, been cheated upon or been a knowing third party to the infidelity? [For the purpose of this question monogamous is defined as no sexual partners that a significant other does (did) not know about.]
I basically started the relationship with my current boyfriend while still living with my ex. I don't think that I cheated, but the ex may think differently. I never cheated on the ex the entire time in college, through when he enlisted and even when I was going out and he wasn't. The ex used to travel a lot and I honestly, with my entire being, don't think he ever cheated on em.
As for the knowing party to infidelity? yes! It was a HUGE mess. I had two sets of friends. Couple A was in their 40's and were together for 7 years. They lived next to us. Us were my ex and I and another couple. Couple B. Well woman from couple A and man from Couple B were cheating. It all came out at my house on New Year's Eve. It was awful. I should have kicked the Bitch out of my house from Couple A. She had it coming.
5. Historically, what has caused the most arguments in your relationships?
Bonus (as in optional):What do you want from a partner in a long term relationship?
My current boyfriend and I are totally opposites. I mean that. He likes coke and I like pepsi. I like onions and he only likes them raw. He likes sushi and I don't. It could go on and on and on. However, politics is the main source of our arguments. We have come up with the Brushemi clause though. If we are fighting and know it's not going to end well, then we bust out "Brushemi" and then we walk away.
Tuesday, August 4, 2009
TMI Tuesday #198
TMI Tuesday #198 - Relationships
1. Family is _Essential and I could not dream of living without my parents and sisters. My mom always told us that we were the best gift they could have ever given us. We didn't believe that back in the day, but now, it rings true.
2. Friends are _people who will tell you an idea is stupid and then support you anyway. They are people that you can bitch to and it's ok.____.
3. Exes are good _for stories? I only really have one ex that matters and we are still friends.
4. Strangers _all have stories. Everyone is someone's daughter or sister or mother and I try not to yell at older people even when they do things that piss me off____.
5. Relationships _suck___ when _you are the only one working at it.
Bonus: Tell us about your first love: My first love was someone that I grew up with in the neighborhood. His name is Matt. *sigh* He is 3 years older then I am. Tall, skinny and he was like "everything" to me at the time. I fought for him hard core. I decided that I wanted him and that was that. I didn't stop until he asked me to Prom.... a week before. He was my first. Get this line I used to get him to sleep with me... We were in FL with his family for a vacation and we would stay up late and then go to the beach in the days. Well, I couldn't sleep and I went down and said to him, "I can't sleep. Do you have anything to put me to sleep?" Yeah. That line. IT totally worked though!!!
Anyway.. so our love affair was like a year long or something. maybe not even that long. He went to college and I was still in HS. I had glasses and braces and well, he was in college. He didn't want to be seen with me. He went away and I never visited him once b/c he didn't let me or really didn't want me. His grandfather passed away and he was home for the funeral and such and said he'd call. He never called. So that was that. He broke up with me by never talking to me again.
We used to hang out and play all the time growing up. It took me three years to be able to talk to him again. We were friends again and then he went and cheated with the next door neighbor who is way older and now they are married. Fun!
1. Family is _Essential and I could not dream of living without my parents and sisters. My mom always told us that we were the best gift they could have ever given us. We didn't believe that back in the day, but now, it rings true.
2. Friends are _people who will tell you an idea is stupid and then support you anyway. They are people that you can bitch to and it's ok.____.
3. Exes are good _for stories? I only really have one ex that matters and we are still friends.
4. Strangers _all have stories. Everyone is someone's daughter or sister or mother and I try not to yell at older people even when they do things that piss me off____.
5. Relationships _suck___ when _you are the only one working at it.
Bonus: Tell us about your first love: My first love was someone that I grew up with in the neighborhood. His name is Matt. *sigh* He is 3 years older then I am. Tall, skinny and he was like "everything" to me at the time. I fought for him hard core. I decided that I wanted him and that was that. I didn't stop until he asked me to Prom.... a week before. He was my first. Get this line I used to get him to sleep with me... We were in FL with his family for a vacation and we would stay up late and then go to the beach in the days. Well, I couldn't sleep and I went down and said to him, "I can't sleep. Do you have anything to put me to sleep?" Yeah. That line. IT totally worked though!!!
Anyway.. so our love affair was like a year long or something. maybe not even that long. He went to college and I was still in HS. I had glasses and braces and well, he was in college. He didn't want to be seen with me. He went away and I never visited him once b/c he didn't let me or really didn't want me. His grandfather passed away and he was home for the funeral and such and said he'd call. He never called. So that was that. He broke up with me by never talking to me again.
We used to hang out and play all the time growing up. It took me three years to be able to talk to him again. We were friends again and then he went and cheated with the next door neighbor who is way older and now they are married. Fun!
Tuesday, July 28, 2009
TMI Tuesday #197
TMI Tuesday #197 - Nonsexual Edition
from TMI Tuesday by Professor Fate
1. The three words that best describe you are TALL, FUNNY, and LOYAL.
2. The three words that best describe your life are ELITE, FABULOUS and JOBLESS.
3. Your three guilty pleasures are REALITY TV.. that's it. Isn't that sad?
4. The three places you would like to visit before you die are BORA BORA, ITALY AND MALDIVE ISLANDS.
5. The three things you would like to do before you die are MEDITERRANEAN CRUISE, SKYDIVE, MORE SCUBA ADVENTURES.
Bonus (as in optional):If you were making Chris Milk's video "Last Day Dream" (below) what three to five flashes would be your life so far?
1- Me swimming. It was such a part of my life. Maybe me as a little girl swimming
2- Me in college smoking and getting high and basically partying it up
3- My time with the STB Ex husband and having him enlist
4- Me getting "married"
5- Me moving to a "big city" aka DC
from TMI Tuesday by Professor Fate
1. The three words that best describe you are TALL, FUNNY, and LOYAL.
2. The three words that best describe your life are ELITE, FABULOUS and JOBLESS.
3. Your three guilty pleasures are REALITY TV.. that's it. Isn't that sad?
4. The three places you would like to visit before you die are BORA BORA, ITALY AND MALDIVE ISLANDS.
5. The three things you would like to do before you die are MEDITERRANEAN CRUISE, SKYDIVE, MORE SCUBA ADVENTURES.
Bonus (as in optional):If you were making Chris Milk's video "Last Day Dream" (below) what three to five flashes would be your life so far?
1- Me swimming. It was such a part of my life. Maybe me as a little girl swimming
2- Me in college smoking and getting high and basically partying it up
3- My time with the STB Ex husband and having him enlist
4- Me getting "married"
5- Me moving to a "big city" aka DC
Things changing
Well I am now living in Washington DC with my boyfriend, Pablo. Let's see, him and I are actually really different people. I am to the right of moderate and he is pretty liberal. His job involves government work, but hey, it's DC. A lot of people work for or with or about the Government so he is so into it. So he knows a lot. We recently had a discussion about Obama's health care reform. I am against it. He is for it. It basically got into a heated argument and he said to me that if we weren't already dating, that we would have just broken up.
It's weird. In past relationships I have loved someone completely. I miss when they are gone and I look forward to being with them. I look forward to doing things with them. With Pablo in the beginning, I would see him like twice a month for two weekends. So we would just be into each other. We would cuddle for an entire day. We wouldn't get out of bed but to use the restroom or get something to eat. Now that we live together, it's his life and it's my life and that takes over 85% of "our" lives.
Pablo is really trying to push me to be this independent person who doesn't NEED anyone but myself. This is a contradiction for me. I am a very independent person and i will do everything on my own if I can. That means, not asking for help and doing it myself, but I've always been a "huggy" kinda gal and I need to feel important and loved. I am lacking in that with Pablo.
I know that he loves me. I know I am important to him. If I bring this up, he feels that he doesn't want to be "the thing" in my life. Isn't that what a partner is supposed to be? I guess we all have a definition of what a partner means. I guess we all have a definition of what we want in life. I want to have a career. Not a job. I want to have family and friends that love me and make me laugh. I want to live in a nice place and I want to have a partner.
to me a partner is someone that you can walk beside and do fun things with. Someone that I can have an adventure with. Someone that lifts me up when I am down. Someone that loves me for who I am and appreciates it. Wow. I guess things do change over time. I don't want someone to support me financially (although since I don't have a job, Pablo is) but just be there for me. I want to feel wanted. I want to feel loved and right now, I only get that about 50% of the time.
I need to find that"wanted" feeling from Pablo or I'm afraid I'm not going to make it in this relationship. I'll figure out that I can be independent and that I don't need someone that doesn't give me enough of what I need.
It's weird. In past relationships I have loved someone completely. I miss when they are gone and I look forward to being with them. I look forward to doing things with them. With Pablo in the beginning, I would see him like twice a month for two weekends. So we would just be into each other. We would cuddle for an entire day. We wouldn't get out of bed but to use the restroom or get something to eat. Now that we live together, it's his life and it's my life and that takes over 85% of "our" lives.
Pablo is really trying to push me to be this independent person who doesn't NEED anyone but myself. This is a contradiction for me. I am a very independent person and i will do everything on my own if I can. That means, not asking for help and doing it myself, but I've always been a "huggy" kinda gal and I need to feel important and loved. I am lacking in that with Pablo.
I know that he loves me. I know I am important to him. If I bring this up, he feels that he doesn't want to be "the thing" in my life. Isn't that what a partner is supposed to be? I guess we all have a definition of what a partner means. I guess we all have a definition of what we want in life. I want to have a career. Not a job. I want to have family and friends that love me and make me laugh. I want to live in a nice place and I want to have a partner.
to me a partner is someone that you can walk beside and do fun things with. Someone that I can have an adventure with. Someone that lifts me up when I am down. Someone that loves me for who I am and appreciates it. Wow. I guess things do change over time. I don't want someone to support me financially (although since I don't have a job, Pablo is) but just be there for me. I want to feel wanted. I want to feel loved and right now, I only get that about 50% of the time.
I need to find that"wanted" feeling from Pablo or I'm afraid I'm not going to make it in this relationship. I'll figure out that I can be independent and that I don't need someone that doesn't give me enough of what I need.
Tuesday, February 10, 2009
TMI Tuesday
1. What do you think is the un-sexiest part of the body?
Hmmm... ear hair and nose hair I'd say. I know that it happens when you get older, but please, realize it and take care of it. Thanks.
2. Toilet paper: over, under, or what the hell are you talking about?
I am pretty insistent about it being over. I used to change my best friend's toilet paper when I'd go to her house.
3. Have you ever called in sick to stay in bed with a sexual partner?
Hmmm.. not sure, but I'd have to say yes. I'm assuming this b/c I love sex with Michael and I'd call off, if I had the time, to stay in bed and have sex with him all day.
4. Did your parents have a "birds & bees" talk with you? Id [wow, that's kind of a Freudian slip...I'm leaving it uncorrected] so, at what age?
They did not. I pretty much found out on my own, at 15, and then from friends. If I have children, which I doubt I will, I will talk to them openly and honestly about sex. It's not something to be scared of of frightened about, but you need to know certain things and how to protect yourself.
5. What is one thing someone could do to you to rock your world?
Rock my world? Is this said that pay my bills came to mind? I mean seriously, if someone were to pay my bills for say 2 months, I'd be much better off. Actually, Michael has done some many nice things for me. I think that's all it takes. Do something to let me know that you are thinking about me when I am in a totally tough situation.
Or, take me out to eat, then to a nice hotel with a jucuzzi tub and let's fuck like bunnies then order room service in the morning.
Bonus (as in optional):What does sex mean to you?
Wow. What does sex mean to me? It means a connection that I have between myself and another person. Weather it's for a night or for months and years. I love that connection. Looking into the other person's eyes and knowing that you are giving them pleasure as you are taking pleasure. I love the sweat with sex too. I mean, not too much, but enough to let me know we are both working at this. The release you get when you get off is insane. I love looking into his eyes when he does. I love the sounds that he makes.
Sex is like a freedom for me. Freedom from everything. I dont' worry about anything. I just enjoy and that's awesome.
Hmmm... ear hair and nose hair I'd say. I know that it happens when you get older, but please, realize it and take care of it. Thanks.
2. Toilet paper: over, under, or what the hell are you talking about?
I am pretty insistent about it being over. I used to change my best friend's toilet paper when I'd go to her house.
3. Have you ever called in sick to stay in bed with a sexual partner?
Hmmm.. not sure, but I'd have to say yes. I'm assuming this b/c I love sex with Michael and I'd call off, if I had the time, to stay in bed and have sex with him all day.
4. Did your parents have a "birds & bees" talk with you? Id [wow, that's kind of a Freudian slip...I'm leaving it uncorrected] so, at what age?
They did not. I pretty much found out on my own, at 15, and then from friends. If I have children, which I doubt I will, I will talk to them openly and honestly about sex. It's not something to be scared of of frightened about, but you need to know certain things and how to protect yourself.
5. What is one thing someone could do to you to rock your world?
Rock my world? Is this said that pay my bills came to mind? I mean seriously, if someone were to pay my bills for say 2 months, I'd be much better off. Actually, Michael has done some many nice things for me. I think that's all it takes. Do something to let me know that you are thinking about me when I am in a totally tough situation.
Or, take me out to eat, then to a nice hotel with a jucuzzi tub and let's fuck like bunnies then order room service in the morning.
Bonus (as in optional):What does sex mean to you?
Wow. What does sex mean to me? It means a connection that I have between myself and another person. Weather it's for a night or for months and years. I love that connection. Looking into the other person's eyes and knowing that you are giving them pleasure as you are taking pleasure. I love the sweat with sex too. I mean, not too much, but enough to let me know we are both working at this. The release you get when you get off is insane. I love looking into his eyes when he does. I love the sounds that he makes.
Sex is like a freedom for me. Freedom from everything. I dont' worry about anything. I just enjoy and that's awesome.
Thursday, February 5, 2009
Questions..... always questions
Why, when you have one thing figured out, or you think you do, and then something, some little nugget of something that has been implanted in your brain acts up and causes you to have crazy thoughts and to have emotions that you just can't control? I have a great man. He loves me. He takes care of me. Am I forcing it? Am I forcing myself to feel that this is right? I am about to move to Washington DC to be with him and to start a new life. Am I a fool? I love him I do. I just think that I need to get some things off of my chest and then we can go from there.
*He had said previously to me "you don't mind if I still flirt right?"
I mean, I should be strong enough to know who I am and that he loves me. I know this. Flirt? I mean, I know people do it. I think I was just more stupified by him asking. I guess that's better then me finding out about it. He means online. He has friends that he has had "things" with online and in person. He wants to continue those friendships and some of them are flirty. I guess, most people do the flirting and their significant other doesn't find out. This time he actually comes out and tells me that he wants to flirt. Is that any better then doing it behind my back? I honestly, just don't know. I do believe that I need to talk to him about this and just get it out on the table.
*He has been super busy before. Especially around the election. He actually was very busy for months prior to the election. I hardly talked to him and basically he knew that I was available and he could contact me when he wanted. It's just that he never did. That severely hurt me. Hurt me to the core. He could have, while on the toilet or walking somewhere or just 30 seconds free he could have texted. He just didn't. So today, I haven't heard from him and I just wanted to make sure that he was shot or stabbed somewhere. He texted me back that he was super busy. Which, again, is totally fine. Just a quick hello would have been fine. Yet nothing. Then I get an e-mail from him telling me that he loves me and can't wait to see me and how he was talking me up to Celeste b/c she was having relationship questions. Ummm.... he can talk to her through out the day, but he can't send me a text? I just think that's bunk.
*I don't like how I feel that I am always the one doing the changes for him. Like my temper. I have an awful one. Awful. It's awful. I know that I need just a couple of minutes to be very angry and then I can be very rational and I can talk about why I'm angry and what lead me to that and then we can work on that. However, Michael can not deal with that. He has to work things out right then and there. Why is it that I have to change? I mean, I can totally try and work with him to make things better, but I mean, why is it that I have to change?
I just really need to talk to him about this. It just never seems to be a good time. Like I'd liek to talk to him about it tonight. I need to ask him and talk to him about things before I move in with him. I don't want to lead him on. I don't want to sacrifice myself either.
Well see where this goes. Wish me luck!
*He had said previously to me "you don't mind if I still flirt right?"
I mean, I should be strong enough to know who I am and that he loves me. I know this. Flirt? I mean, I know people do it. I think I was just more stupified by him asking. I guess that's better then me finding out about it. He means online. He has friends that he has had "things" with online and in person. He wants to continue those friendships and some of them are flirty. I guess, most people do the flirting and their significant other doesn't find out. This time he actually comes out and tells me that he wants to flirt. Is that any better then doing it behind my back? I honestly, just don't know. I do believe that I need to talk to him about this and just get it out on the table.
*He has been super busy before. Especially around the election. He actually was very busy for months prior to the election. I hardly talked to him and basically he knew that I was available and he could contact me when he wanted. It's just that he never did. That severely hurt me. Hurt me to the core. He could have, while on the toilet or walking somewhere or just 30 seconds free he could have texted. He just didn't. So today, I haven't heard from him and I just wanted to make sure that he was shot or stabbed somewhere. He texted me back that he was super busy. Which, again, is totally fine. Just a quick hello would have been fine. Yet nothing. Then I get an e-mail from him telling me that he loves me and can't wait to see me and how he was talking me up to Celeste b/c she was having relationship questions. Ummm.... he can talk to her through out the day, but he can't send me a text? I just think that's bunk.
*I don't like how I feel that I am always the one doing the changes for him. Like my temper. I have an awful one. Awful. It's awful. I know that I need just a couple of minutes to be very angry and then I can be very rational and I can talk about why I'm angry and what lead me to that and then we can work on that. However, Michael can not deal with that. He has to work things out right then and there. Why is it that I have to change? I mean, I can totally try and work with him to make things better, but I mean, why is it that I have to change?
I just really need to talk to him about this. It just never seems to be a good time. Like I'd liek to talk to him about it tonight. I need to ask him and talk to him about things before I move in with him. I don't want to lead him on. I don't want to sacrifice myself either.
Well see where this goes. Wish me luck!
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