Dead End

I work a dead end job. I am one of those people that you see on tv. "one day I realized that i wanted more out of my life so I called (insert any trade school here)." I work for a company that does contract work for the Health Insurance claims. We do mailings to enrollment to claims processing to phone work. It really isn't fun. I don't learn anything new, I don't do anything new and I feel that I am not really helping anyone. I don't think that you are allowed to sympathize with me unless you are in another similar job. I know a lot of people and I'd say, honestly 1/2 are happy with their jobs. Most of my friends have careers and not jobs too. There is a big difference. I am making just over $15/hr at a job. It's not a career. It's nothing I see myself doing in 5 more years. Yet, I said that 5 years ago and here I am.

I did go to college. IN fact, I even graduated with a B.A. in Communications. Turns out, that's a bullshit major. It doesn't mean anything. My mom always tells me, "well one day, your degree will pay off." Um.. when? It's not like I haven't been looking for other opportunities. I have. About 2 years ago I went on 5 interviews and did not get the position. It's very hard on your pshyche. It's hard to take getting no's over and over again.

Then I think that I am lucky b/c at least I have a job. There are so many people in this country right now that do not even have a job and their unemployment benefits are about to run out. I'm sure, those that had executive jobs are not going to go cashier at their local grocery stores, but I mean, is that what it's come to? In order for the average American to have a job, do they have to work some HS level position? If so, where does that leave HS graduates, HS drop outs and HS kids period? They will be SOL.

This whole economy recession is seriously the shit. It's awful. I don't know how we are ever going to get out of it. IN WWII if I"m not mistaken, didn't it take a war for us to get out of the "great depression?" We are in a war that we can't win with no strategy to get out of. What the fuck are we going to do? At least gas is cheaper. But it's not like grocery stores are lowering their prices that they had to raise b/c of the jump in gas prices. I guess they'll have to wait it out to see if they go back up. Joe/Jane public would be pissed if the raised the prices on everyday things, to lower them, to then raise them. Americans are very fickle.

I just hate how working in a bad job effects everything that you do. It invades and creeps into every aspect of your life. You are angrier when you drive in b/c you don't want to go. You are angry when you drive home b/c work just sucked so hard that day. You get bitchy and testy with loved ones b/c although they may try to help, they really don't. Things get blown out of proportion and then that's when all the crap really hits the fan.

Who wants to even be in a relationship anyway? I mean the other person always drives you crazy. There is always something not right with a relationship. They could yell at your and bring you down. There could be sexual issues. They could just generally be an ass. In all relationships, there is one person not getting what they need. So they go out and try to find/fill that void of what they need. Hopefully they are not cheaters, but it happens and I will never look down upon those that cheat. I just think there is a way to do it with respect to the other person. Is that an oxy moron? Respectful cheating? See.. dead in relationships too. Dead end work. Dead end relationships. YOu can't win.. anywhere.. in life. Maybe if you own a pet and I do, but I don't live with mine. My ex gets to see them every single day/night and give them lovies.

anyway.. this is way long.