What do I bring?

I was thinking, last night, about Al Gore and I's "relationship." This man has definitely changed me. He has opened my eyes to a few things. My ex was military so obviously we were both very conservative. Country first you know? We weren't really religious so we couldn't say God then Country then Self. We both voted for Bush, both times. Yeah I know.. I know. The people that we were friends with all thought the same way that we did.

Now, knowing Al has helped me look at politics from both sides. I read all kinds of information online. I read both sides. I don't just listen to talk radio all day monday - friday. I was able to research both McCain and Obama and although, one of the main things I disagree with is Universal Health care, I voted for Obama.

He showed me google and gmail. Yes I used google before, but I never really used it. I love the reader feature. I think it's fantastic.

He has showed me that I really do need an iphone and that I really will love it. Which, now I do. I didn't think I needed a phone that could do so much, but now that I have it, I love it. It's a phone, mp3 player and entertainment, and web access all in one. Man how technology is amazing.

However, this made me think. What has Al taken from me? What has he learned from me? I don't really know if there is an answer. Can one really place any stock in that? I mean, just because maybe he hasn't taken quite as much as I have, doesn't mean that he hasn't grown from me and learned.

What if I bring something different to the table that he has not had before? god I really hope so b/c if not, then I"m way out the door. No really, I mean, he has to be taking from me something that he has not been able to get from others, but what is that? I really wish I knew.

I think if I did know, that I would feel better about it. I already feel way "under staffed" when it comes to intelligence. This man is just so smart and I love that. If I could only know why he likes me, maybe it would make me feel better about myself. I don't think that I am hard to love and appreciate, I just don't know what he sees in me. I mean, if I"m not that smart and he's not gaining anything from me, then what options am I left with?

Is it really that the sex is that great that he stays? He said last night, via IM, when talking about how he was fed and happy and ready to blaze and all he needed was me. I responded, "well what if all I need is you? Who wins?" or something lame like that. He said, then why is it that we live so far apart? Well because I'm scared. I'm scared that one of these days you are just going to realize that I'm not really all that.

Ok.. trust me. I don't have that low of an attitude about myself. I think I am great. I just think that he is awesome and needs stimulation on an intelectual level which I don't know if he can get from me. Thus he will seek it out from someone else and then, bam... i'm gone and broken hearted.