TMI Tuesday

1. Last week was "The Most Wonderful time of the Year", but what are your favorite 2008 memories?
I did a lot this past year. I left a bad marriage and I met someone wonderful. That person and I did a lot of things too. We saw a ton of concerts. I love live music and I miss seeing all of the live shows when I was at Penn State. I was able to go to my parent's boat a lot more which was very relaxing. I went to the beach for an entire week with friends. I haven't done that in years. Prob. senior week was the last time I did that and that was in 1996. I got to spend more time with my nieces and my nephew and more time with my family in general. This past year was about me. What I wanted to do I did it as long as I was having fun.


2. What is the best thing you learned in 2008?
That I am worth something. That I am beautiful. That I am important. That I do deserve more. I went through the gamete of emotions this year. Really low lows where I would just cry all day or cry at the drop of a hat just randomly. Then I had some really great moments (see above).

I have also learned some things about dating as I have never really done it before. I learned how "things" work and how to be about someone without smothering them. That was a hard one to learn and figure out. I am the type of person that will let you know my feelings up front and it's hard to hold those feelings back when those emotions are very strong.


3. On a scale of 1-10, how good was your 2008?
I would say about a 7. I can always improve. There were a lot of rough times, but all in all, even with this shitty economy, it went really well.


4. What is your wish for 2009? What is your wish for someone else for 2009?
My wish for myself is to find my self worth. I want to continue to be happy in life and I want to continue working on myself. There are always bad habits that could be changed.

My wish for others? That this bad economy will turn around. That we will let the free market work itself out and new and creative things, ideas and products will come out of it. I wish happiness for all those I know and like. I wish dreadful things on a few people, but honestly, they have it coming.


5. Where was the first place you ever passionately kissed?
People remember this? It would have to be my first boyfriend, but really, I have no idea. I was 15 and that was 15 years ago.. almost 16. Yes I am old.


Bonus (as in optional):Do you make New Year's resolutions? What is/are yours for 2009?
I used to when I was younger and more naive. When I thought that I would actually change just because it was the first of the year. To me, it's kind of crappy when other's fulfill their New Year's Resolutions by going to the gym. My gym becomes a mad house for a couple of months and then, sure enough, people stop going.

I tend to want to fix things with myself when I feel that they have become an issue. It seems, as of late, that my body is falling apart so I would really like to start pilates or yoga. I am so tall and I am slouching all the time that I think both or either of those would help me.

2008 was a rough year for me. It was a growing year. I left a marriage where I was with this person for 13 years. IT was a death of all those dreams I had for us and for me. Honestly though, that "death" was a very slow, painful death that spread over years. I was just finally strong enough, in 2008, to decide to leave. It was only with the help of one amazing person that showed me that I deserved more.

Now you know and 99 other things you didn't need to know about me

1.) I love all kinds of music including rap, r&b, hip hop, country, rock, jazz, classical. I just can't get into heavy metal.

2.) I am addicted to Turkey Hill Diet Green Tea with Mango. Love that stuff.

3.) I used to be hugely attracted to black men. If he was tall and black, then I was all about him.

4.) When I see a guy with long hair I think they are stuck in the 80's and think they are gross looking.

5.) Men with muscular arms and chests make me hot. I love it. That is my favorite part of a man's body. I love his shoulders, his chest, his arms, his back. mmmmm.. nommy

6.) My biggest pet peeve in the world is people that think they know everything and try to talk down to me. Hmmm.. or just people that can't drive. Like, come on. The speed limit is 65. You shouldn't be doing 65 in the fast lane. It's just wrong.

7.) I never was into sports on tv except.... cheerleading! If there is a competition on ESPN (the ocho) I can't help but watch it. It's amazing to me. I love it. Also, I love watching syncronized swimming when it's ever on. It is also amazing.

8.) I didn’t become a fan of football until 1999 when I became a Penn State student. Now, I watch them every weekend they are on and I can't wait to see the Rose bowl this year and to see them play USC and kick their asses!

9.) I used to be into the NFL b/c I used to run a football ticket. Now, I don't really care.

10.) This year, for the first time, I did what I wanted when I wanted with whom I wanted and I didn't give a fuck if anyone cared.

11.) It was freeing and amazing and I wouldn't change a thing.

12.) I wrote a descriptive story about an old car my parents had that we nicknamed "the Maroon Maurader."

13.) I wrote it in 7th grade and it's still used as an example of how to write.

14.) My mom is certified to teach English she she helped. My spelling has always been awful.

15.) I only got a 990 on my SAT's.

16.) I think I'm kind of stupid. I don't think that I am naturally smart. I just think that I worked hard in school.

17.) I cheated on a test for the first time in 3rd grade.

18.) I cheated to pass a multiplication test. We had to take it every week until we got 100% on it.

19.) There was a huge stigma attached to not being able to pass it. I felt stupid and I felt that everyone thought I was stupid so I cheated and passed!

20.) I became an excellent cheater in school.

21.) I had my first "boyfriend" in 5th grade.

22.) He asked me out with "will you go out with me? yes or no " I wish I still had that note.

23.) I have only seen one Star Wars film. I have never seen any Lord of the Rings movies. I have never seen any Godfather movies.

24.) I am addicted to reality tv.

25.) I’ve watched all 17 seasons of Survivor.

26.) If it's a reality tv show and I think it's stupid, then you know it's really dumb.

27.) I love HBO. I was addicted to The Sopranos, Curb your Enthusiasm, Entourage, Big love and Flight of the Concords.

28.) I also love Nip Tuck on the FX channel. Awesome show.

29.) I was always a casual smoker. I could smoke one or two and then not do it again for months.

30.) I started smoking every day sometime in January when I left my husband. It was a stress reliever and a way for me just to take a breath and to breathe.

31.) I worry that now I won't be able to stop.

32.) I worry that I don't even really want to stop right now.

33.) I smoked weed for the first time in High School, but didn't really get high.

34.) I got high for the first time in college. I remember it was Christmas time and to explain to people what I was seeing/feeling, I said, "the christmas tree just jumped into the tv."

35.) I loved Acid. I loved extasay.

36.) I tried coke, but just a number where you put it on your gums.

37.) I liked that a lot too. I vowed not to do it again b/c I was liking it too much.

38.) I cry at anything. I cry when I"m happy, but mostly when I get really angry.

39.) My feelings get hurt a lot. Thus I cry. I wish i could stop but I can't.

40.) I used to have an awful temper. I think that when I cry when I'm angry, it's just me displacing anger in another form.

41.) I have always been skinny.

42.) I bought this outfit at some really big store in NYC on a trip there and it was shorts and a shirt. I bought yellow tights to wear under the shorts and when i wore the outfit that I paid so much money for and was so proud of, in the mall, 2 teenagers called my "chicken legs." I never wore it again.

43.) I have always done well in sports.

44.) I was a really really good swimmer.

45.) I made it to states my senior year in high school and so far, something that happened then, has been my only regret in life.

46.) Our coach changed the line up 30 mins before we were to race in our relay. It totally messed everything up. I wish I had told him, "no" and stuck by it.

47.) I would one day, like to coach swimming.

48.) My (soon to be ex) husband and I have known each other since first grade.

49.) We started dating when he was my best friend's prom date. That night we drank and slept on the couch together. That was all she wrote for the next 13 years.

50.) I say I will never get married again, but I think, I do want a wedding. A wedding that doesn't take place on superbowl at a friends house.

51.) I do not want children.

52.) I hate people that tell me that "oh one day you will change your mind."

53.) I have never wanted to live here. (the place I grew up)

54.) Yet I am still here.

55.) I want to move. I want to move out west maybe. Maybe some place warm.

56.) I don’t think I am strong enough to move by myself somewhere.

57.) I am a certified SCUBA diver.

58.) I won the 1996 Harrisburg Area Outstanding Home Economics Student of the year.

59.) I got a check for $20 from it.

60.) I don't eat seafood.

61.) I will go with people if they want to eat seafood, but really, the smell of it makes me want to throw up.

62.) I hate people that tell me that "oh you will like it if you try..."

63.) I don't like it. I have tried it. I hate it. Please leave me alone about it.

64.) I want to be a pin-up girl.

65.) I think pin up girls are amazing and beautiful.

66.) I feel that I have never had my own style. That I just copy from other people.

67.) I think I blend in. I don't stand out. I am boring.

68.) I don't have any hobbies.

69.) See.. i am boring. I told you so.

70.) I don't really read for fun. I wish I did.

71.) I think college ruined my love of reading.

72.) I am a registered republican.

73.) I voted for Obama.

74.) I voted for Bush.... twice.

75.) I really think Bush is an asshole now and he has fucked us all.

76.) I really don't like my job.

77.) I think I am better then this job.

78.) I wish someone would just believe in me and see the amazing potential I have to offer.

79.) I wish I could believe in me.

80.) I LOVE roller coasters.

81.) I dread the day that I am "too old" to ride them.

82.) I LOVE the beach and all things water.

83.) Water calms me down. Baths lift my spirits.

84.) If I could do anything, i would be a dive instructor in the Caribbean and take tourists on dives.

85.) I think my parents are amazing for raising me to be normal. Also for showing me how to act in all situations from dive bars to 5 star restaurants.

86.) We took a trip to Washington DC when I was little and we took a taxi there. I wanted to be a taxi driver after that. I think I was 7.

87.) I sometimes think I want a child. I want one so I can raise one to be a healthy member of society and to tell people to fuck off b/c it's not that hard.

88.) I am now terrified of driving in the rain.

89.) I wish I would have made more of my time in college.

90.) I wish I would have "dated" other people then. I wish I would have gotten out to socialize more.

91.) I hate my curly hair growing up.

92.) I think it is amazing now and wouldn't want any other type of hair.

93.) I wish i could change my chin. Just actually do a chin implant, but keep the dimple in my ching.

94.) I think my eyes are different sizes and that makes me look retarded/high/drunk in all pictures.

95.) I have wanted a Celtic cross tattoo on my back since I was 16.

96. I love all things Irish.

97) I want to travel the world. I want to see so many places.

98) I wish I had a job that I traveled. I would love it. I have no children and no ties here, so why not?

99) I am in love with someone that I don't think loves me the way that I need to be loved.

100.) I had sex with a black man. IT was ok. It wasn't all that it's cracked up to be. He had an amazing body. So muscular. So ripped. I could have kissed that and ran my hands over his body all... day... long.

Christmas meme

1. Wrapping paper or gift bags?
It's almost always wrapping paper. There is something cooler about the sound of the paper opening. I try to use really pretty paper with pretty bows and stuff. If the item is really very odd shaped then I do use bags. I think they server a purpose though. The gift bag. Great idea.


2. Real tree or Artificial?
As I am living at home.. again.... it's a real tree and I love it. My parent's still use ornaments that we made when we were in elementary school. There is one from my oldest sister who is now 35 from when she was in pre-school or kindergarten. It's crazy. When I was living in my own home it was a fake tree. Just a little like 3' deal b/c of the dogs. I think they would have tried to eat it.


3. When do you put up the tree?
when I feel like it really. I think jumping to do it the day after Thanksgiving is a bit overboard. I never really had a set day.


4. When do you take the tree down?
Again, whenever I feel like it. I don't have a set day to do it.


5. Do you like eggnog?
Hellllll no. I think it looks gross. Plus I'm lactose intolerant so why even bother?

6. Favorite gift received as a child?
Wow.. so many to pick from. Prob a Barbie doll. No wait. We had these things called fashion plates. They were awesome! They had plates with different patterns of clothing and shoes and hair styles. So you'd have 3 pieces to make a woman. Then you'd use a black crayon and slide it over top of the plates and it would make an outline that you could then color in. My sister's and I and friends (3 girls) actually made a magazine using those fashion plates. Yeah, we were that cool.
Also my little ponies. We LOVED them.

Rain falling down / is it worth it

Is anything worth it? I mean really. I had an accident in the pouring rain and I am terrified of driving in the rain. I drive a highway where there are tons of trucks every day. It is interstate 81 in PA. It is insane for truck traffic. Was it worth it for me to want to get to Al gore quicker and to be driving in the rain that I did, thus causing my accident? I did not nor do I not ever blame him for my accident. However, that being said, it happened and it was awful. But was it worth it?

I sit here, in my room making CD's so that I can listen to them in the car ride down to see him this weekend. Is it worth it? What I sacrifice.. is it worth what i gain? At some point in the future he will leave me. To that i am positive. So is it worth my time and effort now when I know it will end? Even if he doesn't leave me, everything always comes to an end. I mean relationship wise.

It is scary to put your trust into someone. It is also equally as scary when you don't love yourself enough and you want to be with someone that makes you feel good so you settle. Will it be worth it?

Is it worth it?
Is it worth my cries of pain?
Is it worth the sacrifice of myself that I give you?
Is it worth it?
Is any of it worth it?
When you leave me, will this all be worth it?
What have I learned?
Will I take what I have learned with me?
Will I blame you?
Is it worth it?

What do I bring?

I was thinking, last night, about Al Gore and I's "relationship." This man has definitely changed me. He has opened my eyes to a few things. My ex was military so obviously we were both very conservative. Country first you know? We weren't really religious so we couldn't say God then Country then Self. We both voted for Bush, both times. Yeah I know.. I know. The people that we were friends with all thought the same way that we did.

Now, knowing Al has helped me look at politics from both sides. I read all kinds of information online. I read both sides. I don't just listen to talk radio all day monday - friday. I was able to research both McCain and Obama and although, one of the main things I disagree with is Universal Health care, I voted for Obama.

He showed me google and gmail. Yes I used google before, but I never really used it. I love the reader feature. I think it's fantastic.

He has showed me that I really do need an iphone and that I really will love it. Which, now I do. I didn't think I needed a phone that could do so much, but now that I have it, I love it. It's a phone, mp3 player and entertainment, and web access all in one. Man how technology is amazing.

However, this made me think. What has Al taken from me? What has he learned from me? I don't really know if there is an answer. Can one really place any stock in that? I mean, just because maybe he hasn't taken quite as much as I have, doesn't mean that he hasn't grown from me and learned.

What if I bring something different to the table that he has not had before? god I really hope so b/c if not, then I"m way out the door. No really, I mean, he has to be taking from me something that he has not been able to get from others, but what is that? I really wish I knew.

I think if I did know, that I would feel better about it. I already feel way "under staffed" when it comes to intelligence. This man is just so smart and I love that. If I could only know why he likes me, maybe it would make me feel better about myself. I don't think that I am hard to love and appreciate, I just don't know what he sees in me. I mean, if I"m not that smart and he's not gaining anything from me, then what options am I left with?

Is it really that the sex is that great that he stays? He said last night, via IM, when talking about how he was fed and happy and ready to blaze and all he needed was me. I responded, "well what if all I need is you? Who wins?" or something lame like that. He said, then why is it that we live so far apart? Well because I'm scared. I'm scared that one of these days you are just going to realize that I'm not really all that.

Ok.. trust me. I don't have that low of an attitude about myself. I think I am great. I just think that he is awesome and needs stimulation on an intelectual level which I don't know if he can get from me. Thus he will seek it out from someone else and then, bam... i'm gone and broken hearted.

Dead End

I work a dead end job. I am one of those people that you see on tv. "one day I realized that i wanted more out of my life so I called (insert any trade school here)." I work for a company that does contract work for the Health Insurance claims. We do mailings to enrollment to claims processing to phone work. It really isn't fun. I don't learn anything new, I don't do anything new and I feel that I am not really helping anyone. I don't think that you are allowed to sympathize with me unless you are in another similar job. I know a lot of people and I'd say, honestly 1/2 are happy with their jobs. Most of my friends have careers and not jobs too. There is a big difference. I am making just over $15/hr at a job. It's not a career. It's nothing I see myself doing in 5 more years. Yet, I said that 5 years ago and here I am.

I did go to college. IN fact, I even graduated with a B.A. in Communications. Turns out, that's a bullshit major. It doesn't mean anything. My mom always tells me, "well one day, your degree will pay off." Um.. when? It's not like I haven't been looking for other opportunities. I have. About 2 years ago I went on 5 interviews and did not get the position. It's very hard on your pshyche. It's hard to take getting no's over and over again.

Then I think that I am lucky b/c at least I have a job. There are so many people in this country right now that do not even have a job and their unemployment benefits are about to run out. I'm sure, those that had executive jobs are not going to go cashier at their local grocery stores, but I mean, is that what it's come to? In order for the average American to have a job, do they have to work some HS level position? If so, where does that leave HS graduates, HS drop outs and HS kids period? They will be SOL.

This whole economy recession is seriously the shit. It's awful. I don't know how we are ever going to get out of it. IN WWII if I"m not mistaken, didn't it take a war for us to get out of the "great depression?" We are in a war that we can't win with no strategy to get out of. What the fuck are we going to do? At least gas is cheaper. But it's not like grocery stores are lowering their prices that they had to raise b/c of the jump in gas prices. I guess they'll have to wait it out to see if they go back up. Joe/Jane public would be pissed if the raised the prices on everyday things, to lower them, to then raise them. Americans are very fickle.

I just hate how working in a bad job effects everything that you do. It invades and creeps into every aspect of your life. You are angrier when you drive in b/c you don't want to go. You are angry when you drive home b/c work just sucked so hard that day. You get bitchy and testy with loved ones b/c although they may try to help, they really don't. Things get blown out of proportion and then that's when all the crap really hits the fan.

Who wants to even be in a relationship anyway? I mean the other person always drives you crazy. There is always something not right with a relationship. They could yell at your and bring you down. There could be sexual issues. They could just generally be an ass. In all relationships, there is one person not getting what they need. So they go out and try to find/fill that void of what they need. Hopefully they are not cheaters, but it happens and I will never look down upon those that cheat. I just think there is a way to do it with respect to the other person. Is that an oxy moron? Respectful cheating? See.. dead in relationships too. Dead end work. Dead end relationships. YOu can't win.. anywhere.. in life. Maybe if you own a pet and I do, but I don't live with mine. My ex gets to see them every single day/night and give them lovies.

anyway.. this is way long.

TMI Tuesday

1. Do you consider sexy underthings a present for you or your partner? -
Well mostly I do it for him. I want him to think that I am as sexy as I feel when I wear sexy things. I didn't used to wear sexy underthings, but have started because who wants to have sex with someone wearing granny panties?


2. What are 3 characteristics of “your type”? Have you best relationship(s) been with your type or when you have gone against it? -
Intelligence. Bad Boy. Caring.
All of the men who I have dated have been intelligent. There is something so sexy about a man with a brain. Someone that can think for themselves. Someone who can mix in with any group of people and carry on any conversation. I do love a bad boy, but I've never really dated one. I love black men but again, have never dated one. I have had sex with one and it was good. Nothing spectacular though. Everyone that I have dated has also been caring. I need someone caring towards me as well as caring towards others. There is nothing less attractive then a man that treats people like shit including say waitstaff and others.
My best relationships are with people that are similar to myself. Currently, Al Gore and I are pretty different. One of the only things we do agree on is that we have great sex and enjoy it.


3. What is on your Santa list this year?
Tires. I need new tires and I can not afford them. It's really too big of a present for any one person to get me. I also need long sleeved t-shirts as well as socks. I am a sock whore really. I don't do socks without a pattern and I don't like ankle socks. Unless the ankle socks are white and I wear them with sneakers.


4. Generally speaking, who has historically had a higher libido, you or your partner(s)?
Hard question. In my last relationship I think it was neither of us. In this one, I think it's me. Since I was without sex for so long, now that I'm getting it and it's good, I want it all the time. I would have it every morning if I could. What a way to start the day.


5. The unsculptured female bush seems to have passed from fashion. What about men, do you think they need to trim and shave “down there”?
Ummm.. hell yeah. I don't want to go down on a man with a disgusting hairy bush. That's not hot. Shaved balls are good too. I like how they feel when they are smacking against me during sex.

Bonus (as in optional):What are a few of your favorite things (both sexual non-sexual)?
My dogs. A good cup of Coffee. My friendships. Going down on Al Gore and knowing that he likes what I'm doing. Honestly, again, b/c I didn't have sex for so long, now that I'm getting it it's spectacular. I love the connection of the skin to skin contact and the emotional bond between two people after sex. I have realized that I can not dissociate sex and feelings.

I don't feel special

I don't really get why I am still clinging to this idea that one day, Al Gore is going to snap out of it and wake up and realize that I am someone worth devoting his time to. Someone that he can share his life with. I am just this feeble minded female that won't leave. It's really sad. I can't believe I can be one of those stupid women that when asks by the talk show host why she is still with him she says, "because I love him." I mean there is way more to Al then just love, but I mean, I just don't get why he has had past girlfriends and I think we are great together and yet he won't commit to me? Is this a bad sign or a good sign? Man i wish I knew. I guess I need to live my life for me and fuck other people. They are just along for the ride if they can make it on my trip. Does that make any sense? Yeah I didn't think so.

I know that Al Gore and I were meant to meet each other. I needed someone to make me feel beautiful and special and he did that. He needed someone to be a stable constant in his life and show to him and prove to him that he is worth something and to show him love. Just the thing is, for me, what I was needing has changed b/c i'm no longer feeling special. He makes me feel beautiful, but not special. How much longer until i don't even feel beautiful anymore?

Communication Break Down

So I write Al Gore all kinds of e-mails and then I never send them. I think I have like 40 or so e-mails in my drafts. I guess maybe our communication issues have to deal with both of us, but I think I'll take a lot of the blame. I have never had these issues with communicating with someone. Most of the time you can't shut me up.

My mom said that when I was younger and I'd come through the front door and she'd know immediately how my day was. I think that's the kind of person I am. I think that you just know how I am feeling as soon as you see me. I wear my emotions on my sleeve so to speak.

Now with Al gore, I have been stunted with my feelings. I tried to confess them early on and got shot down so I think that has prevented me from expressing them now. I want to tell him that I love him, but I get freaked out b/c I've never been with anyone that is friends with so many of the girls that he's been intimate with. It's hard. It's very hard knowing that Portland chick was a pas "friend" that he rekindled and then flew out to Portland to see her.

I don't know if he really gets me. I don't know if I even really know me and who i am to be able to share it with someone else. I think that I try to change and find out the things that he likes. Read the things that he reads to better understand him yet I don't feel that he does the same for me.

It's hard for me when he works and I have no idea what he's up to. He works long hours, but like is he really working? Yes he really is 99% of the time. I just have never had such a disconnect with someone. It sucks that we dont' live that close to each other. We don't live that far away either, but it's hard when I don't get to come home.

I want to be able to cook for him and take care of him. I want this, and I don't know if he wants the same. It's just hard for me to really trust in him b/c I'm so afraid I'm going to get hurt.

So I'll go write another e-mail and it'll get saved as a draft to never be read by him.

One Word Answers

Taken from B at B is for Blog.
I don't tag but you're always welcome to take!

One Word

1. Where is your mobile phone? nightstand
2. Your significant other? questions
3. Your hair? down
4. Your mother? amazing
5. Your father? strength
6. Your favorite thing? dogs
7. Your dream last night? thankfully forgotten
8. Your favorite drink? Turkey Hill Diet Green Tea with Mango
9. Your dream/goal? happiness in a career
10. The room you're in? bedroom
11. Your fear? lonliness
12. Where do you want to be in 6 years? happy with a career
13. Where were you last night? home
14. What you're not? self confident
15. Muffins? blueberry
16. One of your wish list items? tires
17. Where you grew up? South Central PA
18. The last thing you did? bathroom break
19. What are you wearing? nothing
20. Your TV? awesome!
21. Your pet(s)? my babies and I miss them
22. Your computer? cooter
23. Your life? ordinary
24. Your mood? meh. confused.
25. Missing someone? always
26. Your car? lifeline
27. Something you're not wearing? clothes
28. Favorite Store? New York and Company
29. Your summer? sunshine
30. Favorite color? blue
31. When is the last time you laughed? yesterday
32. Last time you cried? heart break and confusion at the same time
33. Who will/would re-post this? no one
34. Place I go over and over: work
35. Person who e-mails me: matt and or michael
36. My favorite food: pizza
37. Place I would rather be right now: in bed, naked spooning then sex with my S.O.

TMI Tuesday

1. What are your turn-ons?
Turn ons. I love a man that smells great. It could be cologne and it could be just his smell. I also love a man that will cook for me and then clean up. That is nice. Maybe a great back rub too. Confidence is a turn on. Just not cocky. I need someone that is funny that will make me laugh and someone that also has a great whit.


2. What are your turn-offs?
Someone that smells bad. Bad B.O. Someone who doesn't take care of themselves physically. A few extra pounds are totally ok. Someone who is just obese, not cool. Someone that doesn't take care of their uni-brow. Not cool. Someone that is mean to other's in public. Like the waitstaff or a taxi driver.


3. Not counting your turn-ons, what’s the best trait a person can have?
I love a man with a brain. I am so turned on by someones intelligence. That is sexy.

4. Not counting your turn-offs, what’s the worst trait a person can have?
They think the world revolves around them. They are mean and just not a nice person in general. Someone that thinks that their answers/opinions are always right.


5. What’s your biggest pet peeve?
People who don't know how to drive.

TMI Tuesday

1. What is your favorite Thanksgiving food?
I think this question would be easier if it was, "what is not your favorite Thanksgiving food?" I love it all.. except the sweet potatoes. I know.. I know. I jsut can't get into them. I love Thanksgiving. It is my favorite holiday.


2. You can flip a switch that will wipe any band or musical artist out of existence. Which one will it be?
Jonas Brothers. They just annoy me.


3. You seem to be having an excellent day because you just came across a hundred-dollar bill on the sidewalk. Holy crap, a hundred bucks! How are you gonna spend it?
Well I don't know exactly. It would depend on what I need at the moment. Prob, as lame as it is, I'd use it to take Al Gore and I out to dinner.

4. What is your favorite curse word?

Fuck. Is there any other one?

5. Rufus appears out of nowhere with a time-traveling phone booth. You can go anytime in the PAST. What time are you traveling to and what are you going to do when you get there?
I don't think thta I would. Everything that I have done up to this point has lead me to where I am now and I am, for the most part, happy. I guess if I had to pick any time, I'd go back and not be friends with Stank Hoe Kelly. So that was 6th grade. However old you are then. She has just caused me life such misery.


Bonus (as in optional):You accidentally eat some radioactive vegetables. They were good, and what's even cooler is that they endow you with the super-power of your choice! What's it gonna be?
I have no idea. Maybe to make people spontaneously shit themselves? That was a superpower that my friend came up with soI can't take credit for it. I think it would come in handy. Or maybe that they just have to go to the bathroom really really really badly.

RANT

I hate how much you smoke. Your life is all about work and getting high. That's it.

I hate how you are an elitist. You think that your life is amazing and that it isn't up for negotiations how right you are about anything.

I do love your passion that you have for certain things such as politics and other issues like the environment.

I hate how I make a joke about the environment and you feel the need to give me a lesson about how I should be kinder to our enviornment. It's a joke dude. Take it as one.

I hate how I do everything. I sent you pictures of myself. I contact you. I plan out the things that we are going to do.

I hate how selfish you are.

I know that you told me that you want to be friends and that work is #1 so I guess i'm going to have to accept this and since it's not what I want, then i'm going to have to be out.

TMI Tuesday!

1. When did you last use your cellular telephone as a flashlight?
I can't remember when, but I know it was for trying to find my keys in my purse at night. My purse is a gigantic black hole. Things go in and are never found again.


2. On a scale from 1-10, how comfy are you being naked?
Around Al Gore, I am a 10 at being comfortable. He has seen me heavier and he has seen me at my weight now and loves my body for what it is and appreciates it. Around other people, I'm not so much nervous about it. I know I look good. I am not perfect, but I am not awful either.

3. What is the longest you've ever been celibate after having lost your virginity?
This is such a sad sad question for me. I was with my HS Sweetheart. We got together in 1995 and then married in 2005. Well I would say that in the last years of our relationship, we had sex once in almost 6 years. I loved him and will always appreciate him, but why we never had sex is another conversation (if I haven't already talked about it)


4. Have you ever had sex in a car? If yes, since you were a teenager?
Oral yes... vaginal no or anal for that matter. I love giving road head. I don't trust Al to drive and receive it though. He would crash my car and kill both of us.


5. When did you last use food or drink as medication?
God all the time. I smoke too so if I'm stressed I'll smoke, eat and drink. I try hard not to use food as a therapy session and I'm pretty good about it.

Bonus: Name three words that:
a) get you excited
I love you
present
surprise


b) make you squirm
let's talk
"Athena, I need to see you in my office"


c) make you laugh
I make fun of myself a lot. I trip when walking so that makes me giggle.

Random thought

Be wary of a man that has more female friends then male. Al Gore has like 3 to 1 ratio of female friends to male friends on FB. I know.. I know... lame comparison. I just think that he has slept with a lot of them and is still friends with them. Is that how we are going to end up? FB friends that randomly post messages to each other about life? Blah. I sort of feel like I could be an all for nothing kinda call and I do hold a grudge. Anyway.. dont' trust a man that has more female friends then male.

TMI Tuesday!

1. Ever been skinny dipping?
Hell yeah! My parent's have had a pool... let's see.... since I was 10. So for 20 years I've been able to do what I please outback. Ok.. not all the time. Prob when I was in HS. Def went skinny dipping in college. A lot of my friend's parents had pools so it was kind of an accepted thing to do or at least go in your bra and panties.

I'd say like 4 years ago at this point, I was hanging out with a friend (they are about 10 years older then I am) and we went to another friend's house. They have a KILLER house. It's a Spanish stucco style house that was built in the early 1900's. It has huge ceilings and just an amazing property. So we decided to hop in their hot tub and well, naked. It was just weird for me to be in there with them.

Then about a year ago, Al Gore and I went swimming at my neighbors pool. They were not home or if they were, I didn't care. They are very chill people.


2. How often do you kiss or make out without it simply being a foreplay activity?
God I love to make out. I love kissing. There is just something so sexy about it. I love Al Gore's lips. They are so soft and so kissable. I would use the word plump, but I don't know if that's too "girlie." We do kiss randomly whenever we are around and when I do leave him, we do make out a tad I guess. If I wasn't in the car with him, I'd do him on the spot.



3. On a scale of 1-10, how content are you with your life? (1 is lowest, 10 is highest) Do you think 'content' and 'happy' the same thing?
Wow.. this is a killer question today. Personal life, I'd say I'm at about a 7.5 - 8. I have great friends and a wonderful family. Al Gore is def. a factor in that as well. Then, the more I think about it, I could drop down to a 5.5 - 6. My family drives me crazy, my friends drive me crazy and Al gore drives me crazy.
Work life... 0. I like that I have a job and I love some of the people that I work with. Other then that, I hate this place. It's a job that won't go anywhere.

Happy and Content are 100% not the same thing. I am content, for the most part with my life and only Happy moderately. If that makes sense. YOu can be content w/o being happy. Hell I was content with my first marriage but not happy. You learn to live with things that you just don't want to change. That is content. Happy is truly not having a care in the world.



4. What do you do to relieve stress?
Well I"m a cryer. Yes, I am one of those. So I cry.
I'll smoke a cigarette.
Sex if fucking spectacular for stress relief.
Send dirty pictures to Al Gore.


5. What was the special trait in your first lover that made you decide that they were "the one?"
I don't think that there was just one. He was nice and funny and we always had a good time. He was also really tall, skinny and very much in shape.
Sigh.. how much of an asshole he has turned into though. That's not at all b/c he broke up with me (when I was 16 btw). I just know him and know how much he dicked over his last gf.

Bonus: How old were you when you first had sex? (positive experiences here...)
15. It was with the above mentioned bf. I was the instigator in all of that. I was on vacation with him and his family and I walked downstairs and said, "I can't sleep, but I know what would help." and that's how it happened. Beautiful story isn't it?

Moving

I have never wanted to live in this area my entire life. Yet, here I am. 30 and living at home. It's fucking pathetic. I want to move so badly, but I can't do it on my own. I am just not strong enough. Last night, Al Gore was in DC and was there, experiencing the excitement and the joy and the just shear togetherness of everyone. How freaking envious and Jealous was I of that amazing time. For the Record, Obama was just elected as our 44th president. It is amazing and exciting, but I am not nearly as excited as Al. He has believed in this man and believe in what he has to offer and what he was saying. I wish I could have felt that believe in someone. Maybe it's b/c I don't even believe in myself? Wow.. could I have just had a Dr. Phil breakthrough there? Meh.. moving.. right.. let's get back to moving.

There are always amazing things to do in DC. Great shows, concerts and museums. Amazing places to eat and it's just a city that is alive. I live here, in this place that is sucking the life out of me. Sucking... Sucking... Sucking the life out of me. I go to work 4 days out of the week and work at job that doesn't offer me anything. It it just a paycheck. I am not helping anyone. I am not bettering myself in any way. I just sit here, in this dreary desk in this cube farm and process claims. I do adjustments. It's boring. I get paid like $15/hr. I have to drive 35 mins to get here one way.

I was just talking to someone that I work with and he feels the exact same way. He wants to get up out of here and move to NYC actually. I don't think that NYC has ever been a goal of mine to live at. My fucking god. What is wrong with me? Why can't I just get some shit together and move? I will need to get a 2nd job and work that for a while to save up some money,b ut there are so many people in far worse situations then I am.

Could I live with Kendrick? I have no idea. We are just friends. he is a good looking man, but there isn't really that "spark" so to say so at least I wouldn't have to be worried about sexual tension. But isn't there always some kind of sexual tension in male/female roommates? I mean, it may be underlying. Like you can't walk downstairs to get a drink in a towel b/c you don't want to offend the other?

The music that I am listening to is a great inspiration to me right now. B/c I can not stop crying for the love of god. I am sitting here at work crying like a teenager.

Moving.. right.. back to moving. I would never move to DC unless Al said it was ok b/c I don't want to be too pushy. I know people there though, but not a lot. I feel that I would make friends quickly though. I am a nice person and very social. Maybe that's what I should do. I should get a 2nd job and just sock that money away. Then I can move down say end of summer or this time next year. It would suck working 2 jobs, but fuck, what do I care? I dont' really have a life now as it is. Well I do have a life, but i'm just in this piss pour awful depressed mood lately that I have no life.

Wow.. this is long. Whew... so happy I was able to vent though. :-D

I would classify this as a rant.. hmmm.. maybe a rambling.

Never again

I will never again feel like this.
I won't feel unimportant.
I won't cry like this.
I won't feel like shit.
I won't do it.
Fuck you.

TMI Tuesday

1. Have you ever had a moving violation? An auto accident? That was your fault?
I have never had a speeding ticket until around June of this year. I was on a back road that I have taken many times before. It's through a bunch of orchards. Well apparently there was a fatal accident on that road the day before and that's why the cops were there. I was tech. going 70+ in a 55mph zone, but the cop let me go at 65 in a 55.

THEN.... I was driving home from Al Gore's house on a Sunday night. We were trying to fix my stupid ipod and it was midnight when the cop pulled me over. It was a 5 lane highway. I was going 85 in a 55. That was BS as I know I was probably speeding, but not that fast. So I fought the ticket and well I lose. I have to pay the fine + court costs, but they did drop my points from 5 to 2. Although I don't live in that state, I do drive through it a lot and if I had gotten another ticket, then i would have had my license taken away. When I went to court to fight it, the cop was still a jerk. What added salt to my wound, was that for almost everyone else that was there, their cop didn't show up. Mine did.

Ok, now accidents. I have had 2. One when I was 16. (god this is going to be a long TMI Tuesday). I was on a small road on my way to my ex's baseball game. (again, I was 16). So I was looking down and messing with the stereo when I looked up and saw a car that was stopped behind another car that was turning right. So I did the only thing that I could think of as to not hit the other car. I tried to turn into the parking lot of a grocery store. I missed the "in" way but managed to miss a lot of cement barriers and was heading in the "out" way. Except, there was a lifted truck coming out. He saw me and backed up and that saved a lot of damage. I think, between teh 2 of us, it was just $1K in damage.

Then, now that I'm 30, I just had another one. Long story short, I hydroplaned and spun around once and then another 1/2 of a turn. Smacked the back left side of my car off of a guardrail. I thankfully, did not hit anyone else and I did not roll my crossover vehicle. THANK GOD. I did just under $7K worth of damage to my car.

2. Have you ever voted? How old was your were you the first time you voted?

Hell yeah I've voted and I voted this morning. No lines either! I voted when I was 18 and have every election since. Sometimes, I don't vote in the primaries, but I do in the general elections.


3. Are you glad this election cycle is over?

God yes. I may finally get Al Gore back, but alas, I think that our "relationship" is just too fucked up to fix.

Aside from that, I voted for Obama. I don't care 1) who knows and 2) if anyone cares. I am ready for a change. We need a change. I am a registered republican and have voted that way every year. I am getting criticised all over the place since I am a former Conservative Princess.


4. Do you have guilty pleasure? What is it (or are they)?

Watching crappy reality tv I guess. I do it all the time.


5. What is the most embarrassing thing you have done recently?

There are too many to list. I trip and fall and hit myself all the time.


Bonus: How much impact has the Wall Street and general economic wilt had on you?

Honestly, not much. I am only 30 and have been contributing to my 401K since I was 25. It's hit me, but not really that bad and certainly not anything like what others are going through.

foundations

My finger tips are holding onto the cracks in our foundation,
And I know that I should let go,
But I can't.

The Luckiest

I am not one of the lucky :-(
Lyrics from a Ben Folds Five song.


I don't get many things right the first time,
In fact i am told that a lot.
Now i know all the wrong turns ands tumbles and falls
Brought me here.
Now it was right before the day that i first saw your lovely face.
Now i see it everyday

And i know
That i am,
I am,
I am the luckiest.

What if i'd been born 50 year before you
In a house on the street where you live?
Maybe i'd be outside as you passed on your bike,
Would i know?
And then i'd see your eyes,
I'd see one pair that i'd recognize.

And i know
That i am,
I am,
I am the luckiest.

I love you more
Than i have ever found a way to say
To you.

Next door there's an old man
Who lived to his 90's
And one day passed away in his sleep
And his wife, she stayed for a couple of days
And passed away.
I'm sorry i know that's a strange way
To tell you that i know we belong.

That i know
That i am,
I am,
I am the luckiest.

1,2,3,4 I love you

These are lyrics from a song titled "1, 2, 3, 4" by the Plain White T's. It's beautiful. I love it. they were just on Regis and Kelly and the lead singer was saying that he's dating someone that has shown him that love does not have to be hard. That it's easy.

1 2, 1 2 3 4-
Give me more lovin' than I've ever had,
Make it all better when I'm feelin' sad,
Tell me that I'm special even when I know I'm not,
Make it feel good when I hurt so bad, Barely gettin' mad,
I'm so glad I found you; I love bein' around you.

You make it easy, it's easy as 1, 2- 1, 2, 3, 4
There's only 1 thing 2 do 3 words 4 you- (I love you) I love you
There's only 1 way 2 say those 3 words and that's what I'll do-(I love you)
I love you.

Give me more lovin' from the very start,
Piece me back together when I fall apart,
Tell things you never even tell your closest friends-
Make it feel good when I hurt so bad, Best that I've had,
I'm so glad I found you, I love bein' around you.

You make it easy, it's easy as 1, 2- 1, 2, 3, 4
There's only 1 thing 2 do 3 words 4 you- (I love you) I love you
There's only 1 way 2 say those 3 words and that's what I'll do- (I love you)
I love you.
(I love you) I love you.

You make it easy, it's easy as 1, 2- 1, 2, 3, 4
There's only 1 thing 2 do 3 words 4 you- (I love you) I love you
There's only 1 way 2 say those 3 words and that's what I'll do-(I love you)
I love you.

horoscope

After the rush of energy over the past few days, dear Pisces, today you may feel a powerful letdown. Not every day can be filled with adventure and excitement. For now, you just need to take care of the routine matters that are a by-product of life on Earth. However, keep in mind that there are many weekends coming up and with the right kind of planning, you can get excitement back into your life.


This is totally crazy to me. This is so right on. I haevnt' stopped crying all day. i dno't knwo what the fuck is wrong with me. I am drinking wine now so that prob is my excuse for bad typing. I hate the letdown. I always get the letdown.

boo

I am in just a sad state of mind right now. I could/can cry at the drop of a hat. Life could always suck more and I'm sure mine will. I don't want to open or pay my bills and I even have money to pay them. I don't want to do anything except lay in bed and cry. I will not be like my sister though and not get up b/c I know life goes on. I know that i'll get out of this funk sometime, I just have no clue when it's going to happen. Maybe I should go back on anti-depressants. I don't like it, but sometimes it's like the only thing that I can do to get by.

Random thoughts

Well here i sit on a Saturday in my room. I was at my sister's house earlier to just grab some trash and grab some of the kid's clothes to clean. Their house is a mess. I mean, it's a disaster. It has never been clean. They moved about 2 years ago and it's been a mess since the moved in. Their old house was a mess as well. It's a really sad state of affairs there. They are in a totally loveless marriage. Their children are suffering. I don't really know what to do. Merrie is sick and it's hard for me not to believe that she is really sick. I just know that she can't get out of bed. I think that she does have chronic fatigue, but I think that she is also depressed which keeps her in bed, which makes it worse, which makes her depression worse. i just don't know what to do. It's so sad to see her kids, my nieces and nephew suffering.

I think I am in just a sad state of mind right now. Life just fucking sucks in general. It's just hard to be positive. I hate my job and I want to feel important to someone. I just don't feel that way. Al Gore is just not ready for a relationship or if he is, it isn't with me. We have 2 separate lives. I have my life and he has his life. He doesn't really include me in his life outside of me. I just sort of feel that he just doesn't want to tell people that we are dating. Are we even dating? I don't know.

I just really think that he isn't good for me. That I am very dependent on him to make me feel special. I need to feel special on my own and i do not. I could just be a sad sap b/c I have my "monthly" so that could be messing with me.

I just want more from him and he is incapable of giving it to me. I think anyway. I'm going to wait until after the election to see what happens then. If it's still the same thing, then I'm just going to have to let it go b/c he doesn't want any harm to come to me, but he's really not trying to uplift me or bring out the best for me. I want someone that is in it for me. Right now, he's in it for him. I have talked to him about it and he says that he is doing all that he can. So if this is him doing all that he can right now, then I just don't think it's going to work for me right now.

It sucks b/c I think that he is a great person and wonderful. We share the same goals. The goal to better ourselves and to make something with ourselves. To travel and see the world. To expeirence new things and to just do it together. He just can't see it in me I think. I don't think that I'm good enough or at least I feel that he thinks that I am not good enough. It's just sad. I think I'm done trying to make him see that I am a wonderful person that is worthy of his attention. it's sad and it's pathetic.

Stupid Games

Ok.. so last night I realized that I like Al Gore more then he likes me. I need him more then he needs me. So unfortunately, I"m going to have to prevent myself from contacting him for a little while. Maybe I'll make it into a game with myself where I get little rewards when I do something good and not contact him. Then if I do, then I should have consequences if I do bad.

I know that he is super super busy now b/c the election is on Tuesday which, at this point in time is 4 days away. He's been working his little tail off. I just think I need to pad my little fragile heart from the eventual break that it will feel. He's not ready and I'm a girl. I think I'm ready.

Life goes on. I need to keep my friendship connections strong so that I can make sure I have a good support system when this all does fall apart.

I don't know what the fuck I want. It's insane. I guess I just want the intimacy that the ex and I had a long time ago. Al Gore and I have it until my stupid head starts to think and it fucks everything up. I've never had to deal with any of this stuff and it's just a lot to handle for me. I'm learning and I guess this is a good tool to learn.

I just think Al holds too much stuff in. Keeps too much stuff to himself. Our communication skills really need work. I am too scared to say anything half the time b/c the one time that I did and freaked him out and our "friendship" was in jeopardy b/c he got spooked. I am just so scared to say anything to him. To tell him how I'm feeling.

Why do we have to play games? Who decided this was a good idea? Why can't we just be open and honest with each other? Why do I have to feel the need to not be as readily available to Al Gore? It just sucks ass.

This weekend

Well I don't really have plans for this weekend. I'll have to keep you posted on what I end up doing. I have had nothing but a string of weekends where I saw Al Gore. I know that he is going to explore Leesburg, VA or Maryland. I can't remember what state it's in. Al and his friend, whom I don't have a nickname for, went there for an Obama rally and thought it was so quaint and lovely that they are going to go explore it.

So I'm most likely being an overactive female with a lame emotional mind right now, but I always invite him up here to do whatever I'm doing with the friends up here. That's why I think his friend, who is female, is kind of shady. Like he never really tells me what he does. I am just an emotional female. Why does he have to tell me anything? I trust him right? Well....... yes mostly. I'd say like 93%. It's just that this is how it went with his other chick from back home. He'd be all shady about it and then I'd have to find out, that he was fucking someone else.

Anyway, I think that I'm going to play the, "I have all these great plans for teh weekend" deal with him. I can't let on that I have nothing going on. That's kinda lame.

The Scientist

I am just overly emotional right now. I'm listening to Pandora.com and they are playing "The Scientist" by Coldplay. I used to not be able to listen to this song w/o crying thinking of my ex. We should have made it. We should have been that couple that made it. We did not. We couldn't make it work. We just drifted apart and just could not figure out how to bring it back. We tried, but did we try hard enough? What if I had tried harder? What if I had insisted on more things? What if he had tried more? These lyrics are just painful to read/listen to. And honestly, I have tears in my eyes as I type this. If I could have, would I bring the ex back to the start? Would I try to start over again? If I knew where we went wrong would I go back and be able to change it? I just don't think I would. That relationship changed me for the better and helped me to grow.

I do think i was stunted though. I was not able to do the 'normal' things that 20 somethings do which includes dating people. And figuring out how relationships work.

The thing with Al is that I went from a boyfriend at 16 to the ex at 17 to Al at 30. So I never really dated and I havent' beeno ut there, single. I just don't know if that's me.

Anyway.. read the lyrics.


Come up to meet you,
Tell you I'm sorry,
You don't know how lovely you are.

I had to find you,
Tell you I need you,
Tell you I set you apart.

Tell me your secrets,
And ask me your questions,
Oh let's go back to the start.

Runnin' in circles,
Comin' up tails,
Heads on the science apart.

Nobody said it was easy,
It's such a shame for us to part.
Nobody said it was easy,
No one ever said it would be this hard.
Oh take me back to the start.

I was just guessin',
At numbers and figures,
Pullin' the puzzles apart.

Questions of science,
Science and progress,
Do not speak as loud as my heart.

Tell me you love me,
Come back and haunt me,
Oh on I rush to the start.

Runnin' in circles,
Chasin' our tails,
Comin' back as we are.

Nobody said it was easy,
Oh it's such a shame for us to part.
Nobody said it was easy,
No one ever said it would be so hard.
I'm goin' back to the start.

Fix You

These are the lyrics from "Fix You" from Coldplay. It's an amazing song.
It's about how you try and you can try to make this other person love you.
"when you get what you want but not what you need." I feel that I am there right now from Al Gore. I am getting what I want, but not what I need. What is it that I need? The need to feel important to someone.

"when you are too in love to let it go." Who has not been there? Who hasn't been so much in love with someone and the potential of that person and of your relationship that you keep trying? You keep trying way past the point where you should have let it go and begin to heal?

"and I will try to fix you." Again, who hasn't thought that they could fix some part of their lovers soul or who they are? That you think that your love will change that person and make him a better man.


When you try your best, but you don't succeed
When you get what you want, but not what you need
When you feel so tired, but you can't sleep
Stuck in reverse

And the tears come streaming down your face
When you lose something you can't replace
When you love someone but it goes to waste
Could it be worse?

Lights will guide you home,
And ignite your bones,
And I will try to fix you,

High up above or down below
When you're too in love to let it go
But if you never try you'll never know
Just what you're worth

Lights will guide you home
And ignite your bones
And I will try to fix you

Tears stream down your face
When you lose something you cannot replace
Tears stream down your face
And I

Tears stream down your face
I promise you I will learn from my mistakes
Tears stream down your face
And I

Lights will guide you home
And ignite your bones
And I will try to fix you

Average Girl

So, Al Gore has all of these female friends. They are all very artsy, unique and just beautiful and different... and tattooed up. Then there is me. Daddy's little conservative princess. Ok.. well i am conservative but more moderate these days. Apparently Al calls me a progressive. I am more a momma's girl then a Daddy's girl and I was never a princess. My parent's gave us a lot, but we always had to work for it.
With that being said, I have 2 tattoo's. On by my right hip bone and one across my lower back. Yes a tramp stamp. I just took out my tongue ring 2 days ago, but I had that for almost 11 years. I have my nose pierced and my triagus done as well (inner ear). However, I am very normal looking.

His other friends are all artsy and all have the artist like tormented souls. I don't have that. I am normal. I don't have issues. These girls are all unique and beautiful.

Then there is me. I just don't stand out. I think that's a deep seeded issue if I would have to pick an issue. People don't remember my name half the time. That's how much I blend in.

So I question myself on why or what would Al actually see in me anyway? I think I am an amazing person with wonderful qualities. I am kind and thoughtful and caring. I don't think that I am a 10 or anything, but I certainly don't think that I am 3. I think I am a 6. Just above average. If I gained weight I'd knock me down to a 5 though.

It's not like Al is this amazingly handsome man that women fall all over. But to me, he is very handsome. I just think that he will get tired/bored with me as I am just an average girl. I guess I should back off for a little bit.

TMI Tuesday

1. Who and when was your first crush?

I would have to say this boy in the neighborhood, Chad. He lived right next door to my best friend's house and we were always terrorizing him. Why? Well b/c we both thought he was hot.


2. Who and when was your first date?
I don't think that I have had a real actual date. Where you meet someone and then you just decide to go to dinner/lunch/coffee. I generally know the people that I have been intimate with so we are friends and then we go out. Sad I know.

3. Who and when was your first kiss?

Dee W. This was a boy that was on a church group trip that we took. It was truth, dare, kiss or command. And I got to kiss him. It wasn't anything special. Kind of blah if you ask me. I was prob 12 at the time.

Then in 9th grade when I got a boyfriend, we used to make out. I wasn't really into him, but he asked me out and I was like "sure why not?"


4. Who and when was your first partner while “fooling around” in car?
Matt. He was my first boyfriend that I tracked down and I liked and I wanted and I got. He was 4 years older then I was and lived in the same neighborhood. He could drive and I could not so we'd make out in his truck.

5. Who and when was your first partner while “fooling around” in a house?
100% Matt.. again. We would watch tv at his house and his parent's would go to bed around 10pm. I had a curfew of 11 so we'd make out like crazy on his couch. I went on vacation with his family and we eventually had sex while on vacation. So when we came back and were "watching tv" from 10-11, we were having sex. Great times.

6. Who and when was your first love?
Oh Jeez.... I would say Matt. I did love him and the love that I had for him was not fake. It was not as intense as other love that I have had for other people. Hell, not other people. Just for my STBE husband. He was the love of my entire life. My entire being for 13+ years. Hmmm.. that's not right. I'd say he was my love life for 9 years. We broke up for a few months and then the last 2 years we had just drifted apart.

Bonus: Who’s blog did you first comment on?

Happyendings: Confessions of an erotic masseuse.

Relationship Status?

I was at my friend's Halloween party on Saturday with Al Gore. We watched the Penn State game (which they did win and ti was a great game) and there was this man there that I will called Mr. Steelers. Apparently he works with my soon to be ex husband. They must both be part of the same guard unit. So, Mr. Steelers pulled Al gore aside and was asking him if I was his girlfriend and apparently Al did say yes.

However, he only lists me as his friend to anyone else. Like to a perfect stranger I can be his girlfriend. To anyone else, I am a friend. Honestly though, I am guilty of the same crime. I don't know what to call him so I just call him my friend.

I guess we are dating? I don't really know. I know that I feel that I do come second to work, but srsly, the man is 26. He is very intelligent and amazingly brilliant and this lovely mix of nerdiness and geekiness matched with this sexiness and a great sexual appetite that matches mine.

I love hanging out with him, but are either of us ready to say "yes this is my boyfriend/girlfriend?" He is talking to his ex girlfriend and it's good for him. I think that they are able to communicate w/o anger. Or at least I hope that's how it is going. I don't want her fucking him up again. I may srsly have to fuck that bitch up if she does anything to him again.

Who cares about a relationship status. Who cares? I mean i don't care but apparently people really do care. He is my friend that I sleep with, that I have this amazing relationship with, that I enjoy doing things with and who the fuck cares. So far it's been awesome and amazing and I guess when I get that "I need to know where this is going" bug then i will confront that when that happens.

-peace

Nice things Al Gore has done for me

I have decided that I know it's lame, but I'm going to write in this post, the nice things that Al has done for me b/c sometimes, I forget.

1- Last Saturday I was asleep before he was and I was feeling really crappy from a cold. So when i woke up when he was getting ready to go to bed, he had my box of tissues, my cough drops and some water next to the bed just in case I needed them.

2- Post it note on the mirror telling me to hurry up and get back to bed to smuggle

3- He gave me a Tiffany's bracelet. Now he had found it back in Portland, but still. I love it

4- He downloaded an HD hour long special on a migration of a loggerhead turtle.

5- He let me stay at his place when I needed a place to go

6- He bought me a hotel room when I had my accident so I didn't have to figure everything out

7- He bought me tickets to go see Diplo in Philly on 11/15

8- He has spent money on hotel rooms for us to just chill out

9- He bought me a handle of Captain Morgan's when I was going to be at his place for about 6 hours by myself

10- When I helped him move to DC, I was driving the moving truck and I tagged a car. I was freaking out and he jumped out of the truck to take care of it

11- he makes sure I have conditioner for my hair

So over it

Ok.. I am resisting the urge to write Al an e-mail b/c I am over it. I can't do it. I can't do it. The fucking thing with him and the Portland chick, where he just lied to me and was talking and saying "i love yous" to this chick has me always thinking/wondering what the fuck he's doing and why he did not answer an e-mail from earlier. Like hours earlier basically saying that I wanted him to call.

I am so over it. I can't trust this man to be in it for me. I can't trust him to have my good interests at heart. To actually think of me at all. He just thinks of himself. And you know what? That is totally fine. That is his right. I just need something different right now.

I think the best thing for me is to be by myself right now. To not have him around. To not see him.

I need someone in it for me and he's not. he is in it for himself. Again, that is fine, but that is not what I need right now.

The ups and downs of a FWB to lover

Ok.. so this past weekend was good. I went down to see Al Gore and all was well. We went to Costco and bought him a great tv. Well technically I bought it since they only take cash, debit card or their American Express card. Since he only had a credit card, I just paid with my debit card. He gave me a check for it though.

We were both still suffering from craptastic colds. I am still suffering way worse then he is. Sunday night I ended up asleep before he was. I woke up when he was getting ready to go to bed. He had placed my box of Puffs Plus next to the bed. Got me some water and some cough drops and also had them right next to the bed. So freaking sweet of him to think of all of that for me. It is true that it is the little things that make you really appreciate and love someone.

When I woke up I went to the bathroom and there was a post-it-note from him on the mirror. Very cute as well. He knows that I have to wake up every night to pee so he put a post it note basically saying, "i know you are up to pee, but hurry up so you can get back to bed and snuggle with me. I love you." Then what was cute and weird was that he signed his name. Like I needed to know who it was from.

I drove home on Monday evening and while on the road I sent 2 text messages. Then another one when I was actually home. Not rcving any reply, I sent another one saying "well good thing your phone is working." Or something snide like that. I did get a response back the next morning, but I haven't read it yet.

he went out for dinner last night and I sent him just a "good night" text message and no response. So whatever. He's busy.

So today I got an IM from my friend in Florida, we'll call him BigJoo (as yes he is Jewish). He asked me if Al Gore was in the hospital and of course I said no b/c I had not heard about it. BigJoo copied me Al's facebook message and it basically said that he was at GWU hospital and dealing with a 9 out of 10 on the pain scale. But I still want to go to the Obama rally today.

I sent him an e-mail with "WTF?" and then copied his Facebook message. Long story short, he had kidney stones. However, while at the hospital he was able to update his Facebook message but was unable to even text me or call me to let me know he was in the hospital. Apparently our friend B-boy got him a taxi and took him to the hospital and in general took are of him, which I am grateful for. However, B-Boy knows my phone number and no text or call from him. Al.. nothing. I had to ask him about it.

So his reply was basically that he went to check to see if the internet worked on his phone and it did and he found out b/c he "accidentally" hit the facebook app. He was in the process of writing me an e-mail when the internet died and he lost it all. He said he didnt' want to worry me as he didn't know for sure what was up. I mean, srsly, just an e-mail or a text saying, "hey, going to the hospital for extremely sharp pains in my side. Will let you know what's up" NOTHING

Also, I just really feel that he is just not at a place right now where we should be together. After the beach he told me that he doesn't like the thought of me dating other people. And we also share the "i love yous" and what not. So I think, in any "normal" world that we'd be dating. However, I am still just a friend to him and to anyone he knows.

so we are going to have a "talk" at some point. He was supposed to come up this weekend, but we'll see. I just don't really know when to have it or how to have it. Should I send it in an e-mail or should we do it over IM as that's how a lot of our stuff goes down. Maybe I will call him and make him hear my voice when I say things.
WE don't talk enough..... well we don't communicate very well and that has to change.

It's just very hard b/c I do love this man and he is amazing and is wonderful and I am so relaxed around him, but I mean, I just get these feelings all the time that he's just not that into me. That it's all a show.

Facebook Rant

Ok, it honestly may be me, but I have a life outside of my "computer life." I have friends that I see on a regular basis. I go to work. I have work friends. I have my family. Why do people feel the need to constantly update their fucking status on facebook? Why? To me, I feel that it's a need in people to have "contact" with other's w/o really having contact with them. If they are people that you want to keep in touch with, shoot them an e-mail. Hell, write an e-mail and then copy it and send it to a bunch of people. That is even more personable. And playing all these lame games and making cities? God so lame.

I think it's also a need/desire in us to feel more important. People seriously don't need to know what you are doing all the time. I was just at the beach, ok, like a month ago, but still.... a friend there was constantly updating her Facebook status. WHO CARES?
"eating a delicious all you can eat crab dinner"
"using wet whips to clean up after my messy all you can eat dinner"
"ON my way home from my all you can eat crab dinner"
"watching tv"
"playing rock band and sucking.. lol"
"playing with my wii"

WHO CARES!? Do people really want to know what you are doing all day and all night? Seriously, no. It's just a way for you to write something so that people can then comment and be like, "oh that's awesome." Or if you are sick you can put, "fighting a mean cold and it's winning" just so people can be like "awwww.. that' so sad. Can i do anything for you? I can bring you soup?"

SO FUCKING LAME.

Attention needing whores. I don't even think it's a friend whore type of thing. Or maybe it is. I don't really care about that. I just care how lame the status is. No.. correction. How lame the people are who change their status all day. I would say if you change it more then 2x a day, you are fucking lame.

TMI Tuesday #157

1. Have you ever felt guilty or ashamed after a sexual experience?
Oh hell yeah. Guilty. Most def. I was married... umm.. I still am. I am separated currently. Since January. Damn, I really need to get the ball moving on this getting a divorce. Anyway.... I drove out to Wisconsin (long story short) to visit with some friends out there. I had been IMing with someone out there that I had actually not even met. Just exchanged pictures and of course the IMs and the e-mails got more and more heated. I knew I was going to sleep with him when I went out there. I was still living with my STBE and well, slept with another man. I felt guilty, but it just reaffirmed that I needed to be out of the marriage.

Other then that, I have not felt guilty or ashamed at all. I love sex (now that I'm having it) and I don't think that there is really anything that would make me feel guilty now or ashamed for that matter.


2. Did you ever own a fake ID?
No I did not. I never really needed to. My friends and I would drink at someone's house and we'd always find someone to buy us alcohol.


3. How often do you tell white lies? Is it with or without thinking?
Ummm.. daily. "Oh your new haircut looks good." "Wow, I would have never guessed you weighted 202lbs." It's just something that I do so that I don't have to hurt someone's feelings.

I think that in my life I do try to be as honest as possible.

Oh.. snap. My best friend is not really pleased with my relationship with Al Gore. So, I tend to lie to her and tell her that I'm doing something different when in reality, I am with Al. I don't like doing it. I just don't want her to give me a hard time about it.


4. On a scale of 1-10, how well do you receive constructive criticism?
Depends. I used to be a negative 5. Meaning I did not take it very well at all. Now I think that I have worked my way up to a positive 7 :-) I can take it well if it's given by someone that I respect and trust that they are not stupid. That they know what they are talking about. Otherwise, I just blow it off and don't think twice.


5. Have you ever shaved your pubic hair?
Hell to the yeah. I don't want to go down on a really hairy man and I don't think that he would want to do the same. When I met Al I was a landing strip kinda gal. He likes it all shaved so that's what I do. I did get it all waxed.. you know.. I visited Brazil. The waxing wasn't bad at all. It's just that it didn't last as long as I would have wanted. Now when I shave I have to try so hard not to get those stupid, irritation bumps. Really annoying.


Bonus: What percentage of women do you think are capable of handling being in a "friends with benefits" relationship? How about men?
NONE! ZIP! ZERO! (on the women side)
I started with Al Gore as a FWB (friends with benefits) and man, it was not at all easy to do. We had huge ups and downs and he freaked out on me several times when he thought I was getting too clingy (which in all honesty, I was). You need to be honest if you are going to try FWB. You have to go into and let the other person know your expectations and you have to hear what theirs are. If you start seeing someone else and esp if you are sleeping with them, you need to let the other know. It's just out of respect.

Can men do FWB? ABSOLUTELY. Sex to me is something personal. It's a connection. It's a feeling and men can disassociate between feelings of the heart and feelings of the body. Women can not. It's not a bad thing. It's just the way that it is. Al had no issues with us just sleeping together with no indication that this would ever go further. I, on the other hand, would think about it a lot.

I still do. I still wonder what's going on with us. We live apart. It takes about 2 hours to drive to see him. What happens next? I can't keep driving to see him. I mean, I guess I can b/c I do feel that what we do have together is amazing. He is an amazing human being and kind and loving. Caring and thoughtful. And above all else, I just feel so relaxed around him and it feels so amazing to just lay with him.. next to him. Skin 2 Skin.

Rant and a Rambling

Ok.. so this is a rant and probably a few rambling ideas. I have a court date on Monday for a speeding ticket that I am fighting. They said I was going 85 in a 55 and honestly, I really dont' think I was going that fast. They did not get me with radar or like a stop watch but the guy was following me. So we'll see how that goes. The ticket occurred in Maryland about 20 miles North of DC. The plan was, I am going to go stay at Al Gore's place on Saturday and Sunday nights and then drive to my court hearing on Monday.

All well and good right? He was supposed to be going to a show with is one friend tonight. Well they were going to do dinner and then the show. (which is why I was going to come down Saturday). Well ok.. So now the show is Saturday b/c he is just excessively busy and just can't remember to look at his calendar. He still wants me to come down on Saturday b/c he misses me and misses feeling my skin and be the receiver of my kisses.

Now, I totally do miss him as well and love being able to lay next to him naked. But... (there is always a but right?) Here is where it gets "fun." He goes to dinner, say 6 o'clock ish and then goes to the show and doesn't get home until say 1:30 at the earliest. I have to entertain myself for like 7 hours!!! Ok, so you think, "well Athena.. just watch tv or watch a movie." I can't. he does not have a tv and even if I were to bring a tv down, he does not have cable. So for 7 hours I have to find something to do.

I don't know if I can leave b/c I won't have keys to get back into his place. i know the building code to get in the door. Oh and his roommate is going to be there. Maybe her and I can just chill. Sounds like a good plan huh? Except the fact that she does not like that fact that I am there and around as she has so lovingly called me "the third roommate." And I do feel bad. I don't want to be "that guy." I don't want to be the annoying girlfriend that is always around.

So what to do. I do love his company and I would get to see him in the day time and then all of Sunday. But 7 hours with nothing to do? I just don't know if I can manage that.

BTW, I just bought a 32" plasma tv so I have that at home and I love it. I don't ever want to leave it. So blah.. I don't know. I just think our selfishness in wanting to see each other is going to cause me to be bored out of my mind!

TMI Tuesday

7 Virtues

1. Prudence: When do you feel it is most important to exercise prudence?
This is Dictionary.com's version of what prudence is...
1. the quality or fact of being prudent.
2. caution with regard to practical matters; discretion.
3. regard for one's own interests.
4. provident care in the management of resources; economy; frugality.

I would like to think that, here at work, I do use prudence when I am trying to figure out why everyone is so stupid here. Lol.. no really, I have used prudence around Al Gore for months now. I don't like to share my personal life with too many people for a few reasons. One of which is because it's my business and no one needs to know about it. Also, I really didn't know what has been going on with him. I needed to watch out for myself and my heart.



2. Justice: Is a sense of justice really a virtue, or is only a tool that allows us to pass judgment on others without feeling guilty? What do you feel is the greatest injustice facing the world today?
Wow... the greatest injustice in the world today? God that is way too broad for me to even start. This is going to be totally selfish but I am fine admitted to it. I am sick of the United States being the world's "police force." You are your own country. We are our own country. You let yourselves into that mess, then you get yourself out of it. Such as Darfur. Sure it is extremely upsetting on the genocide that is going on there. However, you are part of a country. You as a country, you deal with it. I don't think that we, as American's, should be responsible for defending everyone and footing the bill for it.

With that being said, I HATE when things are not fair. I don't like when people are abused by the police or abused by the government. That is not fair and there is no justice served there.


3. Temperance: All things in moderation. Should we allow ourselves a few excesses? How well do you restrain yourself when faced with your deepest desires?
Hell yeah we need to allow for a few excesses. I think that if you can not let loose a little bit, no matter what your definition of "letting loose" is, you will just go crazy. How well do I restrain myself? God, not really well. When I am hungry for a certain food I eat it. When I want a new pair of shoes, I go out and find some. When I wanted to do "the nasty" with Al, then I do or at least I try really hard to get him into bed.

4. Courage/Fortitude: How well do you confront fear and uncertainty, or intimidation? Does facing the little things make you as brave as facing the big things?
I confront fear and uncertainty not so well. I am very happy and very secure in what I know, where I live, who I hang around, my job, my family.... I feel that I am adaptable to change. However, I don't really change that often and if I do, I just do things very slowly.
do the little things make me as brave as facing the big things? I'd like to think that by doing little things, by getting over something little, those little victories help you face the larger ones.


5. Faith: Is it important to have faith? How steadfast are you in your core beliefs? Do your core beliefs equate to faith in something?
Wow.. faith huh? I don't really believe in an organized religion. I think that it is all BS. I mean, the bible is basically a made up book, in my opinion. I do have "faith" in people though. I put my trust and my love with some select people. I have "faith" that they are not going to fuck me over. My core believes are a sense of right and wrong and to try to live my life with no regrets.

6. Hope: Does having hope for the future help you deal with the present? How good are you at finding the good in the bad? What is the thing you hope for most?
I don't really think I have or consciously think of hope for my future. I just live my life and make plans and work to make the plans a reality. I would like to think that I'm always trying to find the positive in negative situations.

7. Love/Charity: How easy is it for you to give selfless, unconditional, and voluntary loving-kindness? How easy is it for you to receive selfless, unconditional, and voluntary loving-kindness?
I find myself falling and giving too easily of my heart. As the older I get, the wiser I get and I guess, cold hearted in a way. I won't give my heart of my feelings to anyone and then when I do, it's pretty full bore. It's hard for me to reel back and not give of myself so much.
I also think it is really hard for me to receive unconditional love from someone. I feel that they will take it and use it and destroy me. I just keep waiting for it to happen so sometimes, I think I'm kind of fucked up like that. Placing my love in another's hands and then waiting for them to destroy it.

Hypocrite

When I am here, at work, I do some pretty boring stuff all day. My mind wonders all over the place. So that's how I got to thinking about topic. My b-cay which was in March, which AL moved like less then 2 weeks later.. ok. I knew there was an issue. I knew there was something going on with him. I had asked for honesty and I wasn't getting it. I knew that. I just did my typical... sit there and think of things for a while. Let it sink in and then wait for my time to pounce. So, the night of my b-day we were all pretty much trashed. He drove me and my friend that I have known since I was 6 back to his place (which Iw as living at b/c I had left the ex and needed a place to stay). We all talk for a while and then at some point my friend leaves. I am back in the bedroom and he eventually comes in. I just know there is something wrong. I am drunk. I start to cry. I just see him slipping out of my life and he won't even be man enough to admit it to me. I just start crying b/c it's like a part of me is dying. A friendship that I thought i had with him. A sexual relationship that I thought I had, I did not. Respect I thought I had, but didn't.

So I am now sobbing basically into his shoulder. The perfect chance for him to be like, "well yeah, I'm talking to an 'old' friend again and I"m going to go see her and I think I love her." but no. He did not. He let me cry and reassured me that I was not loosing him, when in fact I was. (this is part of the reason why it's hard for me to truly open up to him and truly trust him with my feelings).

Ok.. so cut to like 2 weeks later. He passes out across the bed so I don't even have any room to sleep unless I want to sleep in the fetal position... which I did not. So I tried to sleep on the couch, which was too short. I just started getting really really angry. And.. and...mr keep my stuff locked down, left his cell phone charging out in the open. So yes, I did a very psycho thing and I looked through his phone. I found this GIGANTIC string of text messages or IM between him and his "old friend." It was devistating to me. I have never had to exp. feelings like that. It was this hurt and betrayl and anger feelings all thrown at me at once. I was so livid.

Respect me. Honesty. Tell me that you are talking to someone and that you have feelings for this girl. In this string of texts/IM's i read how much he loved her. How much he was so excited to see her again. How he just bought a cheap ticket to fly back to see her. How living with me in his 1 bedroom, small apt, was just way too cramped for his liking. How i am always around. How he can't call her b/c I am there. How it sucks. It was crushing. I could have read more, but that was all I needed.

I packed up all the essentials, xbox, vibrator, laptop and clothes to wear to work tomorrow and hair stuff and I was out. Oh, I tried to write a note on a post it note. yeah, I should have known better then to try to write what I had to say on a post it. So I went to a blank piece of printer paper. I started with "Fuck you you stupid fuck." I went on, but I can't remember the rest. I put it on the tv, that was still on, and grabbed my bags and slammed the door and I was gone.

I then got some text message from him at like 3 am. Oh.. let me go back. I was hysterical at this point. Crying and just not in a good place. I tried like crazy to go to my best friends house, but she keeps her cell hpone downstairs. I tried knocking on her window and throwing stuff at her window, but she never came down. I didn't want to ring the doorbell b/c she has a son. I didn't want to scare him. I then called my friend that I've known since I was 6. She, thankfully, answered the phone. So I drove over to her place and she calmed me down.

Ok so I got these text massages and we just went back and forth and it was shitty. I felt so hurt. So betrayed. I had let my feelings take over my head and that's where it left me. I kept the post it note that I started to write a note on. I want to get it framed. I don't ever want to feel that way again. I don't ever want to place my feelings in someone else's hands that will just crush them.

I am now a pessimist with everything dealing with relationships. I think they are all bullshit. I think that everyone will fuck you over if you let them. Everyone will hurt you and I know that a lot of it is unintentional, but still, it hurts like a mother fucker.

so that's my story of how I was hurt by Al. Yet, I continue to trust this man? I continue to have feelings for this man. I know that it will happen again. That I will feel this hurt and this pain. I will do my best to play it off though, like a big girl and then cry to myself.

this is way long already.. peace out

To Grow Old?

I am.. again.. watching "Hopkins" and there was just an 80 year old man that was walking up steps with his wife and he fell backwards and has bleeding in his brain. IT was just the saddest thing ever to see the wife walk in to see her husband, with blood all over his head and kiss his bare shoulder. Just the pain in this woman's face just crushed me and I sit here, crying b/c it was just so sad to me.
I don't think that I will ever grow old with anyone. If I wasn't going to do it with the ex, then there is no way. god... so sad... just so sad. I mean, to live this life with someone for so long and then to see them fall right in front of your face. One second changes everything. One second and you are gone. One second and your life has changed... forever. I am so scared of possessing the amount of love for another human being that this wife had for her son. You just open yourself up to so much hurt. I'm sure you also experience a level of joy and happiness that you can only find when you find that person to go through this life with you. It's just so scary. So scary to be with someone for so long... to be so dependent on that person and then in a second, it's over. Why put yourself through that?

Plan dizzles

So.... what is the plan for this weekend? I'm not really sure about Friday. I have several options. I can go to happy hour with my bff, but I don't think I can get into work earlier enough to do my 10 hours to then get to HH before they are all drunk. Plus I don't really know her work people. They aren't as friendly as mine are. Why do I say this? B/c I had my bff over to a BBQ with my work friends and they were very friendly and would talk to her and what not.

I could also stay at home and do some laundry and clean up. Which I really need to do anyway. Also, boy that I work with, his 28th b-day is today so he is going our Friday. I could go with, but then I may see L-dub and I'm not really sure if I want to see him since last Saturday night. Meh.. whatever. I can play that shit off better then anyone.

Saturday night, my cousin's boyfriend is having a surprise birthday party for my cousin on Saturday night in Philly. It's at 7 and I'm am def. going to go. I love my family. Al Gore is going to take a train up and I'm going to pick him up from the train station. I think the plan is that we are going to go to King of Prussia Mall for several things. Ok.. get this shit? I am tall right so finding pants is very hard. I hate stupid short chicks. They anger me b/c they "think" they are tall and buy talls, but they realyl aren't. So I get stuck, a person who really needs tall pants, with nothing. I NEED to find a pair of khaki and or tan pants and I can't find them. You'd think it wouldn't be that hard right? Well apparently, this season it is.

So Al and I are going to find me pants, maybe a coat, a Victoria's Secret GC for my cousin and a coat for him. Hopefully we can find all of that.

Ok.. so I'm watching "Hopkins" and they are doing a heart tranplant right now. That shit if crazy. You can take a heart from another, brain dead, human and put it in the body of someone else. That is just insane to me. Honestly, this is America baby. We do this shit. This is us.

Oh.. back to my original post... um... So party for my cousin on Saturday night and I wouldn't be surprised if her boyfriend asked her to marry him. I don't know if Al and I are going to stay with one of my cousins or at a hotel. I don't really care either way. I just want to chill with him. It is just so relaxing being around him. I love that and really appreciate him for that.

I don't know if I'm going to drive him home or if he's going to train it home. I could spend money on gas to take him home to see him for a few hours more. I have off on Monday so I can stay the night Sunday night and then drive back home Monday. I have no clue where his heads at.

You know what I don't like? I don't like that I think he has the upper hand. I know he would deny that, but it's just something I feel.

Ok well it's time for me to shove off. Peace