TMI Tuesday

1. What is your favorite Thanksgiving food?
I think this question would be easier if it was, "what is not your favorite Thanksgiving food?" I love it all.. except the sweet potatoes. I know.. I know. I jsut can't get into them. I love Thanksgiving. It is my favorite holiday.


2. You can flip a switch that will wipe any band or musical artist out of existence. Which one will it be?
Jonas Brothers. They just annoy me.


3. You seem to be having an excellent day because you just came across a hundred-dollar bill on the sidewalk. Holy crap, a hundred bucks! How are you gonna spend it?
Well I don't know exactly. It would depend on what I need at the moment. Prob, as lame as it is, I'd use it to take Al Gore and I out to dinner.

4. What is your favorite curse word?

Fuck. Is there any other one?

5. Rufus appears out of nowhere with a time-traveling phone booth. You can go anytime in the PAST. What time are you traveling to and what are you going to do when you get there?
I don't think thta I would. Everything that I have done up to this point has lead me to where I am now and I am, for the most part, happy. I guess if I had to pick any time, I'd go back and not be friends with Stank Hoe Kelly. So that was 6th grade. However old you are then. She has just caused me life such misery.


Bonus (as in optional):You accidentally eat some radioactive vegetables. They were good, and what's even cooler is that they endow you with the super-power of your choice! What's it gonna be?
I have no idea. Maybe to make people spontaneously shit themselves? That was a superpower that my friend came up with soI can't take credit for it. I think it would come in handy. Or maybe that they just have to go to the bathroom really really really badly.

RANT

I hate how much you smoke. Your life is all about work and getting high. That's it.

I hate how you are an elitist. You think that your life is amazing and that it isn't up for negotiations how right you are about anything.

I do love your passion that you have for certain things such as politics and other issues like the environment.

I hate how I make a joke about the environment and you feel the need to give me a lesson about how I should be kinder to our enviornment. It's a joke dude. Take it as one.

I hate how I do everything. I sent you pictures of myself. I contact you. I plan out the things that we are going to do.

I hate how selfish you are.

I know that you told me that you want to be friends and that work is #1 so I guess i'm going to have to accept this and since it's not what I want, then i'm going to have to be out.

TMI Tuesday!

1. When did you last use your cellular telephone as a flashlight?
I can't remember when, but I know it was for trying to find my keys in my purse at night. My purse is a gigantic black hole. Things go in and are never found again.


2. On a scale from 1-10, how comfy are you being naked?
Around Al Gore, I am a 10 at being comfortable. He has seen me heavier and he has seen me at my weight now and loves my body for what it is and appreciates it. Around other people, I'm not so much nervous about it. I know I look good. I am not perfect, but I am not awful either.

3. What is the longest you've ever been celibate after having lost your virginity?
This is such a sad sad question for me. I was with my HS Sweetheart. We got together in 1995 and then married in 2005. Well I would say that in the last years of our relationship, we had sex once in almost 6 years. I loved him and will always appreciate him, but why we never had sex is another conversation (if I haven't already talked about it)


4. Have you ever had sex in a car? If yes, since you were a teenager?
Oral yes... vaginal no or anal for that matter. I love giving road head. I don't trust Al to drive and receive it though. He would crash my car and kill both of us.


5. When did you last use food or drink as medication?
God all the time. I smoke too so if I'm stressed I'll smoke, eat and drink. I try hard not to use food as a therapy session and I'm pretty good about it.

Bonus: Name three words that:
a) get you excited
I love you
present
surprise


b) make you squirm
let's talk
"Athena, I need to see you in my office"


c) make you laugh
I make fun of myself a lot. I trip when walking so that makes me giggle.

Random thought

Be wary of a man that has more female friends then male. Al Gore has like 3 to 1 ratio of female friends to male friends on FB. I know.. I know... lame comparison. I just think that he has slept with a lot of them and is still friends with them. Is that how we are going to end up? FB friends that randomly post messages to each other about life? Blah. I sort of feel like I could be an all for nothing kinda call and I do hold a grudge. Anyway.. dont' trust a man that has more female friends then male.

TMI Tuesday!

1. Ever been skinny dipping?
Hell yeah! My parent's have had a pool... let's see.... since I was 10. So for 20 years I've been able to do what I please outback. Ok.. not all the time. Prob when I was in HS. Def went skinny dipping in college. A lot of my friend's parents had pools so it was kind of an accepted thing to do or at least go in your bra and panties.

I'd say like 4 years ago at this point, I was hanging out with a friend (they are about 10 years older then I am) and we went to another friend's house. They have a KILLER house. It's a Spanish stucco style house that was built in the early 1900's. It has huge ceilings and just an amazing property. So we decided to hop in their hot tub and well, naked. It was just weird for me to be in there with them.

Then about a year ago, Al Gore and I went swimming at my neighbors pool. They were not home or if they were, I didn't care. They are very chill people.


2. How often do you kiss or make out without it simply being a foreplay activity?
God I love to make out. I love kissing. There is just something so sexy about it. I love Al Gore's lips. They are so soft and so kissable. I would use the word plump, but I don't know if that's too "girlie." We do kiss randomly whenever we are around and when I do leave him, we do make out a tad I guess. If I wasn't in the car with him, I'd do him on the spot.



3. On a scale of 1-10, how content are you with your life? (1 is lowest, 10 is highest) Do you think 'content' and 'happy' the same thing?
Wow.. this is a killer question today. Personal life, I'd say I'm at about a 7.5 - 8. I have great friends and a wonderful family. Al Gore is def. a factor in that as well. Then, the more I think about it, I could drop down to a 5.5 - 6. My family drives me crazy, my friends drive me crazy and Al gore drives me crazy.
Work life... 0. I like that I have a job and I love some of the people that I work with. Other then that, I hate this place. It's a job that won't go anywhere.

Happy and Content are 100% not the same thing. I am content, for the most part with my life and only Happy moderately. If that makes sense. YOu can be content w/o being happy. Hell I was content with my first marriage but not happy. You learn to live with things that you just don't want to change. That is content. Happy is truly not having a care in the world.



4. What do you do to relieve stress?
Well I"m a cryer. Yes, I am one of those. So I cry.
I'll smoke a cigarette.
Sex if fucking spectacular for stress relief.
Send dirty pictures to Al Gore.


5. What was the special trait in your first lover that made you decide that they were "the one?"
I don't think that there was just one. He was nice and funny and we always had a good time. He was also really tall, skinny and very much in shape.
Sigh.. how much of an asshole he has turned into though. That's not at all b/c he broke up with me (when I was 16 btw). I just know him and know how much he dicked over his last gf.

Bonus: How old were you when you first had sex? (positive experiences here...)
15. It was with the above mentioned bf. I was the instigator in all of that. I was on vacation with him and his family and I walked downstairs and said, "I can't sleep, but I know what would help." and that's how it happened. Beautiful story isn't it?

Moving

I have never wanted to live in this area my entire life. Yet, here I am. 30 and living at home. It's fucking pathetic. I want to move so badly, but I can't do it on my own. I am just not strong enough. Last night, Al Gore was in DC and was there, experiencing the excitement and the joy and the just shear togetherness of everyone. How freaking envious and Jealous was I of that amazing time. For the Record, Obama was just elected as our 44th president. It is amazing and exciting, but I am not nearly as excited as Al. He has believed in this man and believe in what he has to offer and what he was saying. I wish I could have felt that believe in someone. Maybe it's b/c I don't even believe in myself? Wow.. could I have just had a Dr. Phil breakthrough there? Meh.. moving.. right.. let's get back to moving.

There are always amazing things to do in DC. Great shows, concerts and museums. Amazing places to eat and it's just a city that is alive. I live here, in this place that is sucking the life out of me. Sucking... Sucking... Sucking the life out of me. I go to work 4 days out of the week and work at job that doesn't offer me anything. It it just a paycheck. I am not helping anyone. I am not bettering myself in any way. I just sit here, in this dreary desk in this cube farm and process claims. I do adjustments. It's boring. I get paid like $15/hr. I have to drive 35 mins to get here one way.

I was just talking to someone that I work with and he feels the exact same way. He wants to get up out of here and move to NYC actually. I don't think that NYC has ever been a goal of mine to live at. My fucking god. What is wrong with me? Why can't I just get some shit together and move? I will need to get a 2nd job and work that for a while to save up some money,b ut there are so many people in far worse situations then I am.

Could I live with Kendrick? I have no idea. We are just friends. he is a good looking man, but there isn't really that "spark" so to say so at least I wouldn't have to be worried about sexual tension. But isn't there always some kind of sexual tension in male/female roommates? I mean, it may be underlying. Like you can't walk downstairs to get a drink in a towel b/c you don't want to offend the other?

The music that I am listening to is a great inspiration to me right now. B/c I can not stop crying for the love of god. I am sitting here at work crying like a teenager.

Moving.. right.. back to moving. I would never move to DC unless Al said it was ok b/c I don't want to be too pushy. I know people there though, but not a lot. I feel that I would make friends quickly though. I am a nice person and very social. Maybe that's what I should do. I should get a 2nd job and just sock that money away. Then I can move down say end of summer or this time next year. It would suck working 2 jobs, but fuck, what do I care? I dont' really have a life now as it is. Well I do have a life, but i'm just in this piss pour awful depressed mood lately that I have no life.

Wow.. this is long. Whew... so happy I was able to vent though. :-D

I would classify this as a rant.. hmmm.. maybe a rambling.

Never again

I will never again feel like this.
I won't feel unimportant.
I won't cry like this.
I won't feel like shit.
I won't do it.
Fuck you.

TMI Tuesday

1. Have you ever had a moving violation? An auto accident? That was your fault?
I have never had a speeding ticket until around June of this year. I was on a back road that I have taken many times before. It's through a bunch of orchards. Well apparently there was a fatal accident on that road the day before and that's why the cops were there. I was tech. going 70+ in a 55mph zone, but the cop let me go at 65 in a 55.

THEN.... I was driving home from Al Gore's house on a Sunday night. We were trying to fix my stupid ipod and it was midnight when the cop pulled me over. It was a 5 lane highway. I was going 85 in a 55. That was BS as I know I was probably speeding, but not that fast. So I fought the ticket and well I lose. I have to pay the fine + court costs, but they did drop my points from 5 to 2. Although I don't live in that state, I do drive through it a lot and if I had gotten another ticket, then i would have had my license taken away. When I went to court to fight it, the cop was still a jerk. What added salt to my wound, was that for almost everyone else that was there, their cop didn't show up. Mine did.

Ok, now accidents. I have had 2. One when I was 16. (god this is going to be a long TMI Tuesday). I was on a small road on my way to my ex's baseball game. (again, I was 16). So I was looking down and messing with the stereo when I looked up and saw a car that was stopped behind another car that was turning right. So I did the only thing that I could think of as to not hit the other car. I tried to turn into the parking lot of a grocery store. I missed the "in" way but managed to miss a lot of cement barriers and was heading in the "out" way. Except, there was a lifted truck coming out. He saw me and backed up and that saved a lot of damage. I think, between teh 2 of us, it was just $1K in damage.

Then, now that I'm 30, I just had another one. Long story short, I hydroplaned and spun around once and then another 1/2 of a turn. Smacked the back left side of my car off of a guardrail. I thankfully, did not hit anyone else and I did not roll my crossover vehicle. THANK GOD. I did just under $7K worth of damage to my car.

2. Have you ever voted? How old was your were you the first time you voted?

Hell yeah I've voted and I voted this morning. No lines either! I voted when I was 18 and have every election since. Sometimes, I don't vote in the primaries, but I do in the general elections.


3. Are you glad this election cycle is over?

God yes. I may finally get Al Gore back, but alas, I think that our "relationship" is just too fucked up to fix.

Aside from that, I voted for Obama. I don't care 1) who knows and 2) if anyone cares. I am ready for a change. We need a change. I am a registered republican and have voted that way every year. I am getting criticised all over the place since I am a former Conservative Princess.


4. Do you have guilty pleasure? What is it (or are they)?

Watching crappy reality tv I guess. I do it all the time.


5. What is the most embarrassing thing you have done recently?

There are too many to list. I trip and fall and hit myself all the time.


Bonus: How much impact has the Wall Street and general economic wilt had on you?

Honestly, not much. I am only 30 and have been contributing to my 401K since I was 25. It's hit me, but not really that bad and certainly not anything like what others are going through.

foundations

My finger tips are holding onto the cracks in our foundation,
And I know that I should let go,
But I can't.

The Luckiest

I am not one of the lucky :-(
Lyrics from a Ben Folds Five song.


I don't get many things right the first time,
In fact i am told that a lot.
Now i know all the wrong turns ands tumbles and falls
Brought me here.
Now it was right before the day that i first saw your lovely face.
Now i see it everyday

And i know
That i am,
I am,
I am the luckiest.

What if i'd been born 50 year before you
In a house on the street where you live?
Maybe i'd be outside as you passed on your bike,
Would i know?
And then i'd see your eyes,
I'd see one pair that i'd recognize.

And i know
That i am,
I am,
I am the luckiest.

I love you more
Than i have ever found a way to say
To you.

Next door there's an old man
Who lived to his 90's
And one day passed away in his sleep
And his wife, she stayed for a couple of days
And passed away.
I'm sorry i know that's a strange way
To tell you that i know we belong.

That i know
That i am,
I am,
I am the luckiest.

1,2,3,4 I love you

These are lyrics from a song titled "1, 2, 3, 4" by the Plain White T's. It's beautiful. I love it. they were just on Regis and Kelly and the lead singer was saying that he's dating someone that has shown him that love does not have to be hard. That it's easy.

1 2, 1 2 3 4-
Give me more lovin' than I've ever had,
Make it all better when I'm feelin' sad,
Tell me that I'm special even when I know I'm not,
Make it feel good when I hurt so bad, Barely gettin' mad,
I'm so glad I found you; I love bein' around you.

You make it easy, it's easy as 1, 2- 1, 2, 3, 4
There's only 1 thing 2 do 3 words 4 you- (I love you) I love you
There's only 1 way 2 say those 3 words and that's what I'll do-(I love you)
I love you.

Give me more lovin' from the very start,
Piece me back together when I fall apart,
Tell things you never even tell your closest friends-
Make it feel good when I hurt so bad, Best that I've had,
I'm so glad I found you, I love bein' around you.

You make it easy, it's easy as 1, 2- 1, 2, 3, 4
There's only 1 thing 2 do 3 words 4 you- (I love you) I love you
There's only 1 way 2 say those 3 words and that's what I'll do- (I love you)
I love you.
(I love you) I love you.

You make it easy, it's easy as 1, 2- 1, 2, 3, 4
There's only 1 thing 2 do 3 words 4 you- (I love you) I love you
There's only 1 way 2 say those 3 words and that's what I'll do-(I love you)
I love you.

horoscope

After the rush of energy over the past few days, dear Pisces, today you may feel a powerful letdown. Not every day can be filled with adventure and excitement. For now, you just need to take care of the routine matters that are a by-product of life on Earth. However, keep in mind that there are many weekends coming up and with the right kind of planning, you can get excitement back into your life.


This is totally crazy to me. This is so right on. I haevnt' stopped crying all day. i dno't knwo what the fuck is wrong with me. I am drinking wine now so that prob is my excuse for bad typing. I hate the letdown. I always get the letdown.

boo

I am in just a sad state of mind right now. I could/can cry at the drop of a hat. Life could always suck more and I'm sure mine will. I don't want to open or pay my bills and I even have money to pay them. I don't want to do anything except lay in bed and cry. I will not be like my sister though and not get up b/c I know life goes on. I know that i'll get out of this funk sometime, I just have no clue when it's going to happen. Maybe I should go back on anti-depressants. I don't like it, but sometimes it's like the only thing that I can do to get by.

Random thoughts

Well here i sit on a Saturday in my room. I was at my sister's house earlier to just grab some trash and grab some of the kid's clothes to clean. Their house is a mess. I mean, it's a disaster. It has never been clean. They moved about 2 years ago and it's been a mess since the moved in. Their old house was a mess as well. It's a really sad state of affairs there. They are in a totally loveless marriage. Their children are suffering. I don't really know what to do. Merrie is sick and it's hard for me not to believe that she is really sick. I just know that she can't get out of bed. I think that she does have chronic fatigue, but I think that she is also depressed which keeps her in bed, which makes it worse, which makes her depression worse. i just don't know what to do. It's so sad to see her kids, my nieces and nephew suffering.

I think I am in just a sad state of mind right now. Life just fucking sucks in general. It's just hard to be positive. I hate my job and I want to feel important to someone. I just don't feel that way. Al Gore is just not ready for a relationship or if he is, it isn't with me. We have 2 separate lives. I have my life and he has his life. He doesn't really include me in his life outside of me. I just sort of feel that he just doesn't want to tell people that we are dating. Are we even dating? I don't know.

I just really think that he isn't good for me. That I am very dependent on him to make me feel special. I need to feel special on my own and i do not. I could just be a sad sap b/c I have my "monthly" so that could be messing with me.

I just want more from him and he is incapable of giving it to me. I think anyway. I'm going to wait until after the election to see what happens then. If it's still the same thing, then I'm just going to have to let it go b/c he doesn't want any harm to come to me, but he's really not trying to uplift me or bring out the best for me. I want someone that is in it for me. Right now, he's in it for him. I have talked to him about it and he says that he is doing all that he can. So if this is him doing all that he can right now, then I just don't think it's going to work for me right now.

It sucks b/c I think that he is a great person and wonderful. We share the same goals. The goal to better ourselves and to make something with ourselves. To travel and see the world. To expeirence new things and to just do it together. He just can't see it in me I think. I don't think that I'm good enough or at least I feel that he thinks that I am not good enough. It's just sad. I think I'm done trying to make him see that I am a wonderful person that is worthy of his attention. it's sad and it's pathetic.