Weekend with Al Gore

Ok.. so here's the deal. I was with Al all weekend and things were really good. We did talk a little bit on the way home about dating and if we are dating. He has basically told me that he can't date right now. That he just doesn't know what people want from him and he gets all freaked out. So do I send him an e-mail about what I expect from him? It would be really short. I expect honesty and respect. I expect some kind of affection. I want to tell him that eventually, down the road, I am going to want a relationship with someone and if he can offer that to me, then awesome b/c we are just great together. If not, bummer, but that's ok. Life does go on.

I'm just so confused. I really should go back to school for radiology or I should take a gamble and become someone's admin assistant/personal assistant. I would make a killer assistant. I really would. I am hyper anal in making sure things are organized. I am very crafty and able to solve problems using both conventional and unconventional methods and using some sources that others may not know about. I have a vast array of knowledge at my fingertips with the internet.

I digress, Al... Ok.. I could go to school and get myself on track for an actual career. Something that i could be proud of. Not this Health Insurance Bull Shit.
I could move to philly. I have a couple of friends there and my family. I could move somewhere with my friend Kins. However, that's another story. I could move by myself somewhere, but I'm just scared. I don't think I could do it. Or I could try to move to the city that Al's n.

I KNOW that it's a bad idea. I just have these bad vibes and I need to listen to my gut. It sucks ass. It totally sucks. I just don't know what to do. There isn't like there is a manual for this shit. I n eed to do stuff on my own. I really do. I just don't know. I just don't know and I know I'm repeating that, but seriously.. I have no idea.

I don't have any hobbies. There is nothing that I really like to do. I need to figure that out. I need to figure out who I am. I have this amazing opportunity to do what I want, with whom i want, when I want and I don't want to throw it away. On that flip side, I don't want to throw away my friendship I have with Al.

Then again, I mean, if we really do have some connection then he'd be cool with me doing whatever wherever and we'd figure it out.

It's just weird. This whole situation is weird. I dont' like it. I am used to knowing what's going on. However, it's exciting and I like that.

Anyway.. off to bed. Good night party people!!

-AM