Stupid Games

Ok.. so last night I realized that I like Al Gore more then he likes me. I need him more then he needs me. So unfortunately, I"m going to have to prevent myself from contacting him for a little while. Maybe I'll make it into a game with myself where I get little rewards when I do something good and not contact him. Then if I do, then I should have consequences if I do bad.

I know that he is super super busy now b/c the election is on Tuesday which, at this point in time is 4 days away. He's been working his little tail off. I just think I need to pad my little fragile heart from the eventual break that it will feel. He's not ready and I'm a girl. I think I'm ready.

Life goes on. I need to keep my friendship connections strong so that I can make sure I have a good support system when this all does fall apart.

I don't know what the fuck I want. It's insane. I guess I just want the intimacy that the ex and I had a long time ago. Al Gore and I have it until my stupid head starts to think and it fucks everything up. I've never had to deal with any of this stuff and it's just a lot to handle for me. I'm learning and I guess this is a good tool to learn.

I just think Al holds too much stuff in. Keeps too much stuff to himself. Our communication skills really need work. I am too scared to say anything half the time b/c the one time that I did and freaked him out and our "friendship" was in jeopardy b/c he got spooked. I am just so scared to say anything to him. To tell him how I'm feeling.

Why do we have to play games? Who decided this was a good idea? Why can't we just be open and honest with each other? Why do I have to feel the need to not be as readily available to Al Gore? It just sucks ass.