Is it possible to really have a friend with benefits?

Ok.. so "Al Gore" is my FWB. He is kind, and caring and screw that.. great in bed. He is totally different then I am on all levels. It's crazy. It's so bad that if I say I like white, he likes black. I think that we found each other for a reason. He had a rough time in his teenage years with his family. He also got really fucked up over his last girlfriend. I wont' judge, but sometimes, I just don't know why people deal with the bullshit relationships that they do. He put up with a lot. I know, it's only one side of the story, but whatever. I remember one time, when we were hanging out for about 4 months and I said "oh that bitch" jokingly to him about her and he goes, very serious, "Don't say that about her." That really took me back.

Anyway, I think that I give him the love and stability that he's not really had. I let him know that he is loved. Ok, I show it. We don't say it. (more on what happened when we did say it in another post). He has shown me that I do not need to settle, in my marriage, and that I am beautiful and I deserve more.

The thing is, we were friends and then became intimate. I just really enjoy spending time with him. He lives almost 2 hours away from me and is doing really well in his job. Me, i am stuck here in Harrisburg working a job that I really don't like. I can leave in October b/c I'll be fully vested and can take all of my money with me. I don't know where it would go, if anywhere, but I better not lose him as a friend. I just don't know how I'd handle him with another woman.

Ok... he was talking to a chick from where is from (West Coast) and it crushed me. I never had to deal with those feelings with my ex husband. He went to see her and spend time with her and was always on the phone with her. Constant text messages. I knew, but I checked his phone (something I've never done) and saw the texts. I instantly became so crushed, hurt and angry at the same time. Ugg.. I'm really not good at writing this stuff.

Anyway, he is amazing and I feel comfortable with him. However, I've always been into communication and I always say how I feel and I can't with him. He is my friend with benefits, but when we walk around where he lives we hold hands and kiss and go places. That's not really friend with benefits. I say, no, you can not ever have a friend with benefits. You have to go into knowing you are going to get hurt or hurt someone and that it will not end well. I just hope that the pain that I'll go through in losing him, won't be that bad, but I know it will be.

I do love him. It's just sad. I have such a loving side and I can't give that to another person b/c I'm hung up on him. I am afraid to talk to him about this b/c I don't want to push him to freak out (again). I just feel the need to know where his head is at, but I don't know how to ask him about it. I can't look at other men around this area until my head is away from him. That's how it goes with me. I wish I was able to be with multiple people at the same time. Man.. would it make my sex cravings a lot easier!!

-peace